You're being facetious.

Crea fama y acuéstate a dormir.

Become famous by sleeping in your extensive grounds.

Ars longa sed vita brevis.

A bigger bottom leads to a shorter life.

Confutatis maledictis,
Flammis acribus addictis:
Voca me cum benedictis.
Oro supplex et acclinis,
Cor contritum quasi cinis:
Gere curam mei finis.

This poem was found written in the margins of a copy of the Carmina Burana, itself a somewhat rude and earthy work, and is an explicit description of a gay SM scene. I shall tastefully but sketch the content: Let the sinner be seized and punished with burning flames; let him call out for my blessed [ahem]. With a supple, wide open mouth and a contrite heart he behaves as a dog; in the end he will thank me on his knees.

I'll link to the next quote rather than writing it here. The quote.

Re-arrange these matchsticks into a well-known sonnet.

Vergin tutto amor, sospiri di foco

I love all virgins, and aspire to f*** them.

Tamu ya mua kifundo

Tame yer monkey, it's fun.

[from a well known hymn (from memory)]
Panis angelicus
Fit panis ominum
Dat panis caelicus
Figuris terminum