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Carpe Diem - Fish of the Day
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One player will provide a word or phrase in another language, and the next will furnish us with an erudite translation and then a word or phrase of their own...
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Come and watch my pornography

Apres moi le deluge

I'm first in the queue for the shower

Je n'ai que mon âme

I uphold the right to bare arms.

fiat justitia, ruat coelum

You are legally obliged to buy an Italian car, but the ignition coils in them are corroded.

Non sequitur

No secretaries.

Per ardua ad astra

Amount of work required to make an advert for a small Vauxhall car.

Sic Transit Gloria

Being nauseated on the Northern Line somewhere between Euston and Camden Town.

Llyfrgell Owen
Lovely goal! that's my son Owen.
thank you DrQ

merci beaucoup

What a lovely view of the ocean you have from this hatchery!

Was kostet das Benzin pro Liter?
What fee did Tony Benn accept to promote metrication?

Arbeit macht frei

On the contrary, I survived the date without receiving any hickeys.

Je ne peux plus bouger ma voiture
You smell, and you commit indecent acts with scavenging birds. (traditional insult)

bo le bata is capall le ceansact

Cromwell banning cricket; punishable by death.

Twll dîn pob Sais! *grabs coat in a hurry*
Return those tools to the pub and make it snappy

i gran dolori sono muti

The Great Dolores is my mother

Hänschenklein ging allein in die weiter Weld hinein

The water is warm.

Je ne comprends pas

This bag won't carry all my shopping.

Alea Jacta Est

Alia would like to be known as "Jack" since the operation.

comme ci, comme ça

Would you like to examine my precise punctuation?

rusticus expectat dum defluat amnis

Country people know that animals fart.

Amantium irae amoris integratio est

I love it when a plan comes together.

curriculum vitae

School is compulsory

I believe the following is grammatically incorrect, but I'm quoting the song:
voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir

Get off the bench and on the court -- your serve.

Y Ddraig Goch ddyry gychwyn
As best I can figure it out, Dr Q, you mean

"If you wore drag you would look just like Ira Gershwin"

Nonlo faccia, per favore.
No pouting, please.

È pericoloso da appoggiarsi a fuori

Periwinkles stuffed with hot chillies. (Yum!)

- áíÓ äÈí ÈáÇ ßÑÇãÉ ÅáÇ Ýí æØäå! ..

Oops. It worked in the page I copied it from. Here's a replacement:

Areopagitica

Oops again. I hope I haven't screwed up the formatting...
Ah. Ok now.

Areopagitica

What astronauts must use to keep in touch until mobile phone masts are erected on Mars (only a matter of time).

Ecce homo!
The Queen's Speech

Pro schola grates agimus vetusta
Be grateful that your education has accelerated your body's progression into old age.

Hej Gamle Man

High Roller in New Orleans.

Har du sedd min kaslonger?
Have you stuck my tape-head cleaner up your arse again?

primus inter pares
My camping stove is in pieces

Teo torriate konomama iko

My mother has run off with a theatrical troupe.

Barbara celarent darii ferio baralipton

Barbara quickly makes Darius a strong cup of tea
[Having introduced him to the wonderful concept of mnemonic syllogisms].

LOLOLO FUNEX?

A limbo dancing party.

Ave imperator, morituri te salutant!

"When the bird-people rule, I will kill all conservatives as a warning!"

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre
"Legs will be broken at the toga party"

Egy sör, kérem.
I will pelt you with eggs, sir churl!

Gradus ad Parnassum

Students may find mountaineering expensive

Gluckliche Reise

T.A.T.U. has a new hit.

Forlat, Jag tanke den var min ben.
My Jaguar needs refuelling with four-star, but I refuse to buy anything from a petrol station run by that varmint, Ben.

Son pittore ancor io!

For pity's sake, child, tie down the moons of Jupiter!

So de wa arimasen yo!
Da fizzy mineral water is well wicked.

abiit excessit evasit erupit

If you keep playing with it, it will fall off.

allegro ma non troppo

This is an early model, with a speed limiter

Arma virumque cano

Viagra is made from dog's bollocks.

megaloblatta blaberoides

"I'm really great, so I'm going to kill anyone who mentions haemorrhoids."

Der Befehl Speichern unter

No-one failed to notice that his favourite collection of hedgehogs were escaping from the bottom of his trousers.

Honores mutant mores

When in the company of Daily Mail readers, be sure to respect their customs.

me genoi!
I'm a cherry cake

Sacre bleu!

Blue sugar!

Je plie et ne romps pas.

I've got a headache

solventur risu tabulae: tu missus abibis!

I can't glue the table: the wife's drunk it!

hande hoch

I have pawned my limbs.

Er is aan alles een overvloed.

Eh oop, there's summat nowt right about me computer...

Credo, quia impossibile est.
It's tough to be hip these days.

deus ex machina

I have a teacup with cracks in the shape of Jesus' face.

Wovon mann nicht sprechen kann, darüber muss man schweigen.

The transvestite with the face like a haddock is left speechless.

Får jag låna din öl?
How far does your Jaguar go before it needs an oil change?

Wirken Sie mit!

We are huge fans of Kenneth's fingerless glove

Pleon hemisy pantos

I prefer to think of the trousers as being half full.
Bugger - I was going to say "Sooty has not done enough exercise!"

À la recherche du temps perdus

"Time for grilled chicken!"

Håll den här medans jag sticker.
I hold my hair on with glue.

verb. sap.

Tree speak.

La Bamba

Cute Italian deer - less than a year old

Zut alors!

My jacket is blowing away

chateax maison

Massage parlour vorsprung durch technik
It just popped out during Metalwork!

Oppidum antemeridialum corniculatum [I sense fatigue is setting in; would someone like to do the honours?]

Mornington Crescent.
Although, really, I wouldn't mind carrying on with it.

Vous souhaitez louer une voiture?

Will you make sweaty love with me in my car?

tumulus simulacrorum

This is actually a false beer belly I am wearing.

Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus

The dragon is exhausted after getting a lap dance.

Neis cwrdd â chi
You nose has bad karma.

Cymru

A sort of rice cake made from the excretions when a person is aroused.

Ich bin ein auslander.

I've hidden the body of an Australian among the refuse.

Schreib mal wieder!

Open your mouth wider and scream (as the Nazi dentist said to Dustin Hoffman).

obscuris per obscurum

Honestly - there's no need to hide the label on that cheap bottle of bacardi.

Cosi fan tutte

A frilly teapot ventilator.

É aquela uma banana em seu bolso?

Will one banana from the sea make you angry?

Est-ce qu'il y a du fromage?
Is your age making you feel unwell?

Hij was toen 43 jaar.

He died of eating 43 jars of pickled tuna.

Et dixit fiat lux; et lux fit.

The fat dictator was a perfect fit for his luxury Fiat.

der bestirnte Himmel uber mir und das moralische Gesetz in mir

Heaven is stunted over Mir, for there is ghostly morality within.

En arche en ho logos, kai ho logos en pros ton theon, kai theon en ho logos.
"In order to improve homeland security, all American citizen will need to have the Statue of Liberty and American flag tattooed on their foreheads."

Éamonn atá orm.
Your husband is home.

De historie zal deze oorlog beschouwen als een van de keerpunten in deze eeuw.

History will show that long strands of Izal have been stashed in the van secreted in the boathouse alongside the slumbering ewe.

Suppressio veri suggestion falsi

Please don't ask again about my breast implants.

Na bardito taynel o pogekône!

In the Bardo, it costs one conical podume to enter the tunnel (of rebirth).

D'argent a la fasce d'azure, charge d'un soleil de gules.

It's urgent that you cover your face with gemstones: a seagull has just flown into the sun.

Eh. Mitä ihmettä?

$1000 to whack him. [Indistinguishable Brooklyn Gangster Jibberish.]

Que horas são?
Is this pig really a prostitute?

So desu ne!
So don't sue me!

borgen macht sorgen

Burgers give you a tummy ache

Çà n'fait rien

Such is fate.

Sans souci

Without ketchup.

Doch jeder tötet, was er liebt.

You may have either tortoise, whichever you prefer.

Rauchen verboten

Rowers for boats.

Alles Vergängliche
ist nur ein Gleichnis
Das unzulängliche
Hier ist ereignis
Das unbeschreibliche
Hier ist's getan
Das ewig-weibliche
Zieht uns hinan.
'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go,
'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go,
'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go,
'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go,
'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go,
'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go,
'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go,
'Ere we go, 'ere we go, 'ere we go!

ardha baddha padmottanasana

That's a nasty looking verruca.

sul ponticello

Don't sulk, you poncy cellist!
Pogue mahone dubh
"Our sex life is fine." -- First Lady Laura Bush

Suoraan eteenpäin
Suffering from teenage angst

E pluribus, unum

If there are so many buses, how come I haven't seen one yet?

Je pense, donc je suis.
When I'm thinking, I dip swiss rolls in my tea.

Quod esse non potest

Don't protest about Status Quo

Ho fatto una gran cazzata
Hey fatso, is that your grandmother on your arm?

ceteris paribus

The badgers are laughing together

Pleidiol wyf i'm gwlad

I'm glad your wife plays too.

Ich habe bauchschmerzen
I have slime on my back.

Hur gör man sin egen sida?

Herman Göring was a sinful man, despite his home brewed cider.

Ite, missa est
Here are the weapons of mass destruction.

mutatis mutandis

X-Men 2

nuqDaq yuch Dapol?

Who threw up on my model railway?

Fac ut gaudeam

Bloody Hell, that CD's LOUD

Ne vous tenez pas sur mes orteils, svp
Hint; It's nothing to do with the lack of italics.
Don't play tennis with me, it's such an ordeal.

I campi obbligatori sono in grassetto

I'll only do my Liberace impression once I'm stoned.

Non, je ne regrettes rien!

Nuns shouldn't mock egrets.
Voulez-vous couchez avec moi?
Are you a couch lesbian?

gibier de potence

gibber over the pot

Strewth!

Third person singular of "strew". When used as an interjection, the subject is understood to be "God": "God strewth" refers to the divine bounty in creating the remarkable spectacle that has provoked the speaker's ejaculation.

Ne ekersen onu bicersin

No ejaculation without fornication

Ferro tunicam!

The camera attached to the tunafish is made of iron!

J'ai pollette d'arnu
These female parrots have just hatched.

ma non parlo l'italiano molto bene

My mother decided not to redecorate the parlour in Italian style. She's using molten beans instead.

Mens sana in corpore sano
The men's sauna includes sandwiches

Mamma Mia!

Look at my breasts!

Memento mori

I remember more! (The slogan of a memory training course.)

lapsus linguae

Pasta with reindeer sauce

Khob Khun Krab
Corn with seafood.

Im Sommer fallen die dicken Leute auf, im Winter die dünnen.

Do not loiter with your genitals exposed in the month of August, because you will fall down dead in December.

Yassoo Kombare!

Hi ho Silver! (Or possibly Gold, depending on the inflection).

Dos pesos.

Dole money.

Entrer dans une firme
(An order by Mr. Parslow's wife.)

Dwi'n hoffi Llambed
Come in for a coffee - my bed's soft too! ..... Dreaming - I've never had an invite like that.

Há um cabelo em minha sopa.

I ordered my supper on the internet

Jeg herpa gitaren min med en saks
My guitar has herpes and my doctor is a saxophone.

casus belli

Incoming telephone call

dulce de leche
This milk is too quiet.

El que se queja, faltas tiene.

All your quizzes fail to grasp the rudimentary questions.

Et ego in Arcadia vixi.

And I play Tails the fox in Sonic the Hedgehog videogames.

In dubio pro reo.

George Bush is in favour of Brazil

tum chuutya ho
Belly-dancer cum prostitute.

Mirabile visu

Mein Führer, I can see!!!

Ne plus ultra

The slogan for the relaunch of neon.

Et tu, Brute?
"So, Olive, yous had one, and Wimpy had one, and Sweet Pea had one, and I's had one...."

A shaynem dank dir im pupik.
Shy men get clammy when they speak of puppies.

Selg ikke skinnet før bjørnen er skutt

Before you can skin the bear, you must kill it.

loc. cit.

Lock Cup

(Raak) That's stunningly close to the real translation. Was that deliberate??

Una mezza verità è una bugia intera.

[Darren] No, but I guessed that it might be.
Una Stubbs messed up big time when she attempted buggery.

Kai ta leipomena, kai ta loipa??

And your unordained Englishman, is he a wolf?

Aux armes citoyens!
Formez vos bataillons,
Marchons, marchons!
Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons.
Citizens with extra limbs!
Ferment your watery soup,
My friends, my friends!
I've sung rude songs
Which were short but silly.

Wer jung reitet, geht alt zufuss.

We're young rats, so get lost, old zookeepers!

Kokoa kokoon koko kokko.

How to prepare Pollo con mole

[Darren] I thought that one was "Citizens, to arms! Form your batallions! The martians are coming!

Pollo con mole
Come assist me with my mole survey.

C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre!

It's good, but it's not lager.

Moi aussi

I'm Rolf Harris.

Ogni corso d'acqua ha la sua sorgente.

An Australian friend

A, zer parea! Karakola eta barea!

Ahem, sorry, didn't pay attention to being simulposted. Darren's was of course
Of course, Daiquiris for the Seargeant.
Ah, the pariah who ate a bear with Coke!

Katsastuseste-ratsastatkos vai yksikseskos yskiskelet?

Can you hear me over the noise of my deflating inner tube?

Pour encourager les autres.

Lesbian writers are cowards.

[Dunx] Curses, simulposted. My phrasebook gives that as My fellow felines! Let us meet at the rodent steakhouse, where we shall eat fried Whiskas until we throw up. Obviously a phrase where context is everything.

2 ou 3 choses que je sais d'elle

[Dunx's one] It takes bravery to eat porridge.
[matt's one] You can have any 2 or 3 of these women.

Ein Neger mit Gazelle zagt im Regen nie.

[matt] Sorry, when I saw the word "simulpost" I assumed blindly you hadn't done one for Dunx. I just realised you did.
One enchanted night with the poised gazelle ensured the longevity of his reign.

poly phlois boio thalasses

I love many boys and girls.

nisi dominus frustra

It can be frustrating trying to keep your home nice.

Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax!
Send a repairman immediately! My television aerial has broken!

C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre!

Bzzzzzt! Repetition (see above).
[BM] I think he's doing it on purpose; his previous one was a repetition too!
Dollis Hill
Dull ease ill
Démenti D'Ongar
[BM, CdM] Thank you for your forbearance - I think I'll just stop trying to play now.
Is DrQ's one meant in earnest?
[Darren] Yes.
In that case, Démenti D'Ongar = Uncontrollable male libido

Méchant poulain peut devenir bon cheval

When I'm poorly I sing and keep a big shovel under the beadspread.

Nove polegadas são demasiado curtas

[Darren - Superb!]
That polecat matches the curtains back at my cottage.

Una paloma blanca

A large bottle of Tipex

Zrob-co, bo cie zdupcza
"Zrob Co." - the place to buy teacups.

Faccio una piccola passaggiata.
I am about to cut a small passageway. (Said by a surgeon giving a demonstration to his students.)

tant pis

This wine is awful.
La mesa no es larga
You should have seen the one that got away.

Res ipsa loquitur

This residence features a door of your own that locks.

See ma Ma? See fush? Ma Ma cannae staun' fush.

What do you mean, "last orders"?

J'accuse!
I've just played the card which is normally valued between the 10 and the Queen!

Hijo de cabra, mucho salta.

To make holy water, add salt.

It's a braw bricht moonlicht nicht.

I am not Scottish

S'il vous plait... dessine-moi un mouton.
Desmond Lynhams' moustache has been silver plated.

Donner und Blitzen.

Doner and a hurl.

don su don su don doko doko don

Welcome Donald! Welcome Susan! Donald! Susan! Donald! Do come in! Do come in, Donald!

Excusatio non petita, accusatio manifesta.

Excuse me, you are not small. I accuse you manifestly.

Non ho pagato per il mio libro nuovo
I'm afraid there is no hope for your illness while my books remain so pristine.

naturam expellas furca! tamen usque recurret

Phew! Better out than in, but warn people if you're going to do that again!

quod erat demonstrandum

Those vermin are protesting in the square again.

ri-mi-bi-du-mo-i-odi-ai-ama-ri-go
A poem: I bid for more iodine, then I go away.

Nihongo ga wakarimasen.

Hung like a mason.

Voici l'Anglais avec sang-froid habituel.

The English Voices sang in a Freudian fashion as usual.

Saya chakap Melayu baik, la

If you are about to vomit, I will settle you comfortably and sing a bit.

ho le mey kiti luca chi chi chi

The sacred kitten of Brian May looks as if it's about to take up ballroom dancing.

Watashi wa baka na gajin

What does she want a bread maker for?

gote mu mein aa gaye
My goats are all gay.

om mane padme hum

My bachelor pad stinks

In flagranté delicto
Yes, it is meant to do that. It's called caramelisation. It will be delicious. Trust me.

Hasta la vista, baby!
Isn't that a fine view, my child?

sic transit gloria mundi

Mrs Estefan threw up in the van on the journey home from a weekend away.

Hony soit qui mal y pense

When Malcolm is 'dressed up', he would prefer to be known as 'Honey'

si monumentum requiris, circumspice

Making a huge statue by pouring cement over Victoria Beckham.

Penblwydd Hapus
Agh! The cat has drawn blood from my "little chap!"

Daijobu desu ka?

Still working at the day job? (I would be surprised to find that "daijobu" really is Japanese for "day job".)

con fuoco

s/would/wouldn't/
Expression of disgust upon seeing Jeffrey Archer back in the paper. (Raak - alas, it means OK, so that "Fish" actually meant "Is it OK?", if my primitive Japanese skills don't steer me too wrong.)

Mi dispiace, non lo so.
The container for my CD is not loose.

Ich bin Auslander

I'm Australian

Tant pi, tant mieux

Do not piss on the cat

Zu Risiken und Nebenwirkungen lesen Sie die Packungsbeilage und fragen Sie Ihren Arzt oder Apotheker

When working in Nebraska, you risk ignoring the lesson of those who die in packing spillages by breaking their arse on an apothecary.

Mae bronnau ardderchog da hi.

May now breeds harder pigs - say hello!

Kann ich habe die speisekarte bitte, wenn es möglisch ist.
Pass the pepper pot, and don't be so catty. Senza sordini.
Sensible sardines.

o-negai shimas

My veins contain blood that is both rare and glistening.

post hoc, ergo proptor hoc

It was after the pig, therefore it is a pig with a propellor.

Dulce et decorum est, pro patri mori.
Propriety is dull, even more so for fathers. I believe you meant "pro patria mori" btw

Jak dziala ogrzewanie?

Has that Jak been peeing in the dhalias again?

Appelation controllée

We have tamed the wild mountains of Virginia. Stultorum assinorumque rex.
Sultry weather recks my sinuses

Dove sono i miei occhiali?
The songbirds are getting in the way of the darts players.

Defense de cracher.

Car bumper. (Glad to see you've got it sussed, Rosie!)

Aiya Earendil Elenion Ancalima!
I have pointy ears and long fair hair to die for, aren't I just so wonderful?

Achtung!

Yeuch! Tongue!

Ïa Shub Niggurath! Cthulhu fhtagn!

You haven't seen me! My name is Phtang and I am working under cover as an African shrub.

Fennas nogothrim, lasto beth lammen!

Do not pass through the marsh, Beth, as you're my very last lamb!

Peidiwch â phoeni'r merched yn y babell nesa.

(This is a more sophisticated form of "rhubarb rhubarb", i.e. gibberish muttered by actors in the background of a scene who have to look like they're talking.)

berberis thunbergii atropurpurea

My barber's tunaburger has gone stiff and purple. [cf. Facial Nightwear].

Caesar adsum iam forte

Caesar supplements it with sum strong preserve

Habla usted una montadiente?

Has anyone lost a diamond mountain?

Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul,
ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.
Ash gets up my nose from inconsiderate smokers, Ash gets up my nose from idiot smokers,
Ash gets up my nose from cretinous smokers, Death to all smokers!

exeunt omnes

They've all been executed.

Gebrauchen Sie Insektenvertilgungsmittel.

Well I never. That incy wincey spider is climbing up the spout.

Wo steckst du gleich das Köpfchen hin?

Why are you hammering a stake through my head?

namaste

Our ship is completely buggered.

Une foi, une loi, un roi.
I'm mad, I need the toilet, and I'm hungry.

Devo engoli-los inteiros?

Is the entire english race satanic?

Teo toriate konomama iko

My mother has run off with a theatrical troupe again.

mi casa es su casa

We've got squatters!

Llyfrgell Cyhoeddus

My life has been saved by a seagull with a robotic head.

Non piove ma cola.

Please don't piss in my drink

café con leche

Would you like to come in for..."coffee"?

tu es Petrus

Fill 'er up.

ne te confundum illegitimi

Never contest paternity suits

Arma virumque cano

I am protected by a highly infectious CocaCola container.

Ici le prévision des temps.

Your television licence has been temporarily suspended.

Es ist Oberseite niederwirft
Do not write on the other side of this page.

dabo claves regni caelorum

Use a pair of percussion sticks to summon the King.

Barriga cheia, cara alegre.

"Bring your chia pet, Carmen Electra!" DICTUM MEUM PACTUM
My diarrhoea medicine is packed.

Dein ist mein herz und soll es ewig bleiben!

Eat my heart and colour my wig blueberry. (A hip slang expression of astonishment.)

et in arcadia ego

He reckons he's a pinball wizard.

parc fermé

Allotment

Jag har lite ont i halsen, och hostar mycket

Hamish! You've got a new toy Jaguar, I see...

Zan titotlanehuia
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