If you are attending the sexual needs of anyone important, ask how long it will take, if anyone knows where he is and whether it will ruin your clothes.

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Time warning: Competitors in this free-for-all MUST make their entries within a reasonable time. ZK came very close to having a substitute made ... please, all, take care with your timing - it is important to all parties (e.g. 7:30 for 8:00 means that I turn up at 9:00 so that I can watch everyone else make fools of themselves.)

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Huh? What did I do?

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Nuffin, apart from a 25 minute gap between answer/post; Anyhoo, never take anything here as personal, I simply have to prove that my existence is real and necessary. OK, where's the next party?

So, putting entries back where they belong:

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Dammit, where's Quentin? He was with us a moment ago... Oh hell, we didn't leave him on the iceberg, did we?

Wenn ich lächele, habe ich eine Öffnung voll der Zähne; wenn ich die Stirn runzele, bin ich nicht hier gleichmäßig.

When I cry, I have offal full of zithering. When my stern rumbles, I don't do any glassmaking here.

Pisteuomen eis hena Theon Patera pantokratora, panton oraton te kai aoraton poiten.
Pisteuomen eis hena kyrion Iesoun Christon, ton huion tou theou, gennezenta ek tou patros monogene, toutestin ek tes ousias tou patros, theon ek theou alethinou, gennethena, ou poiethenta, homoousion toi patgri de ou ta panta egeneto, ta te en toi ouranoi kai ta epi tes ton de hemas tous anthropous kai da ten hemeteran sotererian katelthonta kai sarkothenta kai enanthropesanta, pathonta, kai anasanta tei tritei hemera, kai anelthonta eis tous othranous, kai erchomenon krinai zontas kai nekrous.
Kai eis Hagion Pneuma.

The piston is in father's underwear drawer, the underwear is being aired outside. The piston is in Kylie's bosomy chest, a ton for him, a ton for you, knees up for your father's one-legged jeans, tested on the ooze of your father, you and you with the thin ale, old jeans, or poem-ends, your manly fluids [the remainder of the text describes acts of such depravity as to endanger the reader's virtue were they to be translated].

ipso facto

NHS waiting list for Hip Replacements

Het spijt me, ik spreek geen Engels

I hate spit, me, and that bloke off Vets in Practice said it was icky too.

longum iter atque molestum eos adhuc manebat.

It's a long time at the mausoleum for anyone to smack a lion on the head. (I don't know, these Romans are crazy)

Meenya yest tree syestree ee sobarka. Ya nye paneemaiyoo p'angleeski

*overcoming temptation to translate literally* My wooden sisters are mean bitches. It's true! They spread mayonnaise on my skis and broke them.

Holy crap! The pirates threw Dobby off our balcony!

Darling, the ant got loose in the inkwell again and this time he's having an epileptic fit.

mortam sic quisquam exhorruit