| [1] | i | Meediam: O father, whom a daughter loves and must obey, The fates do face you with a dreadful test! 'Tis bitter indeed to hear your choice, but hold! If by my sacrifice our land were saved, then wouldst I Happily pay Charon's fare and count myself among the dead. But blood is drawn by blood, and will avail you naught Ah woe for our land that drives you to such a crime! Before the gods, how can you think to do this deed? To stain our name with such guilt. Alas! It cannot be! O great Hera, have a pity on your servants! Enter Chorus | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Euripides | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [2] | ii | Peugeot: Right you are, boss. Angord: Music maestro, please, for The Ballad of Obedient Fools! Peugeot: (sings) When he orders me to jump, I say "how high?" Peugeot: At the merest kingly word, I'm off to war Peugeot: Now his highness has decreed I'll face the crowd Peugeot: (speaks) ...and die. Exit Peugeot | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Brecht & Weill | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [3] | iii | King Syze: You invited him. Meediam: Didn't. King Syze: Oh. Long pause I told you not to do that. Enter Peugeot Peugeot: I've come back. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Pinter | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [4] | iv,v | Boleti: I never knew my mother. Meediam: An orphan? How tragic. Boleti: That's why I've always had a thing for older women. Azulejo: Looks like you've come to the right place. Boleti: You're very well preserved, ma'am. A load thud emanates from the cupboard, followed by a muffled cry of pain Graziela: What was that? Exit Francoise, Graziela and Azulejo Meediam: Quick, you two, give me a hand with this cupboard. Meediam, Boleti and the Lutenist pry open the cupboard door Meediam: Oh my god! He's dead! Look, you'll have to cover for him. Hide your lute in the cupboard and put on this crown. Enter Graziela Graziela: The weasels aren't cooperating. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Joe Orton | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [5] | Tom Paulin: It was very interesting, actually. Of course it was full of Orton's snobbery and cheap shock tactics, but what really came th-th-through in this production was an almost Dostoevskian sense of moral intensity, it was about this bankrupt aristocracy, the French Revolution, Bolshevism, you see that in this production, it was the farce of repeated history, really quite unusual. Germaine Greer: Oh come on, Tom, it was just the usual round of penis jokes, and you know I have nothing against penis jokes, the world is much better off when people laughing at the penis than going to war over it, but is this all we have offer in the 21st century? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Late Review | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [6] | vi | King Syze: And what, my courteous courtier, betokens this exclamation of surprise? Peugeot: It is only your daughter's misplaced trust in that rogue Azulejo, a more wanton and deceitful cove than ever else did walk upon the Earth. King Syze: I think, oh brave protector of my daughter's virtue, that our little princess is as full and true a chip off her father's not inconsiderable block as ever could be hoped. She was not raised as easy prey to common scoundrels! Is it not so, Meediam? Can not you beguile the very birds from the trees? Meediam: I should not be so immodest as to say, father. Peugeot: My most abject apologies, my lord. King Syze: I should cocoa. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sheridan | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [7] | vii,xvi | North Greenwich | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Baker's Two | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [8] | viii | Scene 2: Big Daddy's Castle, early evening Enter Belle Belle: Lord, it's hot tonight. Ain't it hot, Sebastian? Noncommittal grunt from offstage It surely is. Didn't I tell you it'd be hot? It's always hot when the dragon's flyin'. Enter Sebastian in a wheelchair Sebastian: I don't want to hear no more about that dragon, woman. How many times do I have to tell you? Belle: There can't never be enough times, Sebastian. Why don't you tell me again? Go on, why don't you? Pause Big Daddy says there's a Prince comin' to slay the dragon, what do you say to that, Sebastian? Graziela's found herself a fine young gentleman and he's comin' to slay the dragon. Name of Charming, Big Daddy said. Didn't you used to know a Prince Charming, Sebastian? Pause Sure is hot tonight. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Tennessee Williams | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [9] | ix | Enter Bette Bourne covered in silver lamé scales. Pause to regard audience. Bette: If you think I've got terrible drag on, just wait till you see Regina Fong. Prince Charming: The dragon! It is here! Bette: That's drag queen darling, drag queen. Takes off shoes That's better. You might not believe it to look at me, but I am no longer young. Stops & looks Prince Charming up and down Love the doublet and hose. Prince Charming: I'm tasked to rid the land of you, foul beast Bette: Foul beast? Oh, that's charming, that is! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Neil Bartlett (after Molière) (long, long after) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [10] | x,xxviii | Azulejo: It is the same thing. We are but chaff in the wind, or oats to a horse. Graziela: Oats? I fail to see how oats come into it. Boleti: Are you fond of oats? Graziela: I have no strong feelings about them one way or another. Azulejo: Oats are the very foundation of our lives here. We could not pass a day without them. We are devoted to them and talk of nothing else. Graziela: Oh how I wish I were back in Moscow, where one could live from one year to the next without ever having to hear the word "oats," let alone eat them. Azulejo: Not eat oats? What sort of a place could that be? What would you do there, with no oats for company? Graziela: It doesn't matter. I am here now. It doesn't matter. Boleti: More porridge, Graziela? | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Let Me Chekhov My Oats | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [11] | xi | Enter Mrs Dragon, with a broom Mrs Dragon: Come on Sid, rouse yerself. Look at the state of this place! Enter Prince Charming Prince Charming: It is the manly odour of a handsome prince come to rid this land of your evil! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Oh Yes It Is! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [12] | xii | Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Older and Fatter | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Butler Did It | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [13] | xiii,xv | [Blob] Well you took your sweet time about it, but gosh, wasn't it worth the wait! I doubt we shall see its like again in our lifetimes, but once should be enough for anyone. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Reverse Comment to Blob | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [14] | xiv | [Martha] Uncanny! d-d-d-d-d-d-d-DONG! tick tick tick SQUELCH! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Douglas Smith | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [15] | xvii | NOT | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Small Earthquake | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [16] | xviii,xxvi,xxvii | So we were at the Tokyo Diner and I don't know about you, but I always have pretty much the same thing whenever I go there, but this time, I don't know what came over me, but I just decided to be really radical and try something new. Of course I didn't want to risk my dinner over some wild experiment, so I stuck with the same food as usual, but for a change I ordered a hot sake to go with it! But I didn't like it much, I mean it was OK I suppose, but it tasted sort of stale and dusty, sort of like a vodka and tonic that had been left out for a few days to go flat, and on reflection I don't think I'll be ordering it again. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Dull Nonindigenous Tasting Notes | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [17] | xix | [Martha] Despite barking up completely the wrong tree, one of those was actually quite close :) | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sound Charades | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [18] | xx,xxv | Wasn't life so much better when there was string all over the living room floor and I had that dead bird to play with as well? They just don't make 'em like that any more. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Feline nostalgia for last week | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [19] | xxi |
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| Limacres | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [20] | xxii,xxiii | 9,994 Survivalist Barbies | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10,000 Presents penelope wouldn't get for her godchildren | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| [21] | xxiv | You've got your mother in a whirl She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl Hey babe, your hair's alright Excuse me, youngster, let's go out tonight You like me and I am well disposed to it all Rebel Dissident, you've torn your dress You've ripped your frock, your visage is untidy So what you wish to acquire knowledge of | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Just a Minim | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Now I need a drink!
You realise that you've pretty much put this game out of my reach as the amount I know about theatre could be written on the back of a fag packet and there'd still be some space left for a full proof of Fermat's Last Theorem. However, I will try and think of a way out. In the meantime, would Blob or Projoy (or indeed anyone else) like to enter the fray?