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King AVMA the III
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Finally inheriting the title after 70 years.
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Does it cross the river Forth?
Is it on the A5?
Does the bridge’s name supply the vegetable connotation?
The Prince of Wales (M4) Bridge?
The Menai Bridge (projected to be kept from rust by boiling it in wine)
It does not cross the river Forth.
It is not on the A5.
The name does supply a vegetable connotation. But it's such a punnish and abstruse one, that to be honest I can't recommend this line of investigation.
It is not the Prince of Wales' bridge on the M4.
It is not the Menai bridge.
If you don't want a hint, read no further.
Hidden textRemember that this is a mechanical device.
Does it reconfigure such that sometimes it may be crossed and sometimes not?
Is it a suspension bridge?
It is not a suspension bridge. Reconfiguration has me stumped. I think the best answer is No, but only because the standard functioning configuration defines its usage under all circumstances. But Yes might also be possible.
The Tees Transporter Bridge?
Winner
Right answer! A nice piece of engineering not far from me. Also an example of "The A-Road, Interrupted". Sadly it's out of service at the moment and could well never get back into operation.
So congrats to Tuj, to whom the baton is being delivered via a gondola.
My frustration at never having heard of the Tees Transporter Bridge is amply compensated by having now heard of the Tees Transporter Bridge.
[Raak] I love that feeling. I wonder if anyone's ever coined a name for it?
Anyway, it's ABSTRACT time.
Is it the feeling of never having heard of the Tees Transporter Bridge then being amply compensated by having now heard of the Tees Transporter Bridge?
Just a stab in the dark...
Is it linked to an astronomical object outside our planet?
Hidden textRaak - I don't know the name of that feeling. But surely it is the one on which Trivial Pursuit is based.
Now, I know I might frustrate...
[SM] NO. If I'd set that and there wasn't a guess straight away, that could have taken years!
[RTG] NO. Although, to be strictly honest, YES it can be linked.
Hidden textThat feeling seems to me like something that might have been named by Liff, but it's possible my thoughts are being influenced by my main source of the feeling being my job QCing British geographic data!
Does it involve the sense of vision?
Is it a human construct that either does or does not begin with P?
...so fiddly...
[R] NO. Well, no more than your average abstract does. Or maybe slightly more. I need to ask a blind person!
[CdM] NO. I *think* this one is inarguable!
Is it an -ology?
...ology...
[C] NO.
Was it the subject of philosophical debate?
A dream?
...the clues continue...
[B] NO appears to be the answer from what I can find, though it probably has been somewhere somewhen.
[R] NO.
This should also be inarguable
If you were standing in front of Raak and Chalky, one of whom always tells the truth and the other of whom always lies, and both know the AOTC, and all of you know the foregoing but you do not know which one is the truth teller, and you were to ask Raak "if you asked Chalky if the AOTC begins with the letter P, is it the case that she wouldn't not say 'No'?", is it the case that he wouldn't not say yes?
...logically...
[CdM] YES. (I hope I've figured that out correctly!)
Are you, Tuj, telling the truth?
I'm ready to make a guess. Is it 'making things harder than they need to be'?
...dreckly...
[C] YES. Unless I've made a mistake! Are you? :P
Hidden textIf I had chosen the AOTC to be something related to lying all the time, and gave the opposite answer to every question... that would have been very brave indeed!

[SM] NO!
Hidden textHonestly, NO!
Is ot associated with a country?
Is it a text?
...stateless and of low verbiage...
[B] NO.
[R] NO. (an audience member starts saying "Well..." and is shushed)
Is it an emotion?
Is it artistic?
...feel artful, no...
[B] NO.
[R] NO.
Is it something that humans experience?
...'swrong word...
[R] NO. You can be aware of it, I can't describe it as something that can be experienced.
Is it an adage?
An abbreviation?
...not not valuable...
[C] NO.
[RTG] NO, the AOTC is not an abbreviation. But in one sense, the answer to this is ALWAYS.
A standard?
...not so defined...
[B] NO — but the audience break out into a hearty applause. That word doesn't *quite* fit the AOTC.
A superstition?
A custom?
...disagreed...
[SM] NO.
[R] NO.
Would a dog be aware of it?
...doggy 0...
[CdM] NO. But who can really know the mind of dog?
Is a particular individual credited with its discovery?
Is it behavioural?
...no...
[CdM] NO. (Or if there was they're long lost to history)
[RTG] NO.
'Twas ever thus?
Is it a length?
...enduring...
[C] Interpreting that as asking whether this thing has always existed: YES.
[B] NO. But the audience, who applauded the previous question, make appreciative noises.
Is it a time?
Is it the same on every spot on the surface of the earth?
Periodicity?
Have philosophers written about this?
...timeless...
[B] NO.
[C1] YES is the useful answer. A strict and slightly tedious reading of your question could yield the answer NO.
[C2] NO. (but good to know I got your logic question correct!)
[R] YES, it seems, but probably not significantly for a very long time.
Revelation?
Would the man on the Clapham omnibus have heard of this?
...commuter...
[Ro] NO.
[Ra] YES is my contention, though I'm not optimally placed to judge.
Is the AOTC a single word?
[Tuj] Don’t rule out the possibility that we both got it wrong.
It is related to religion?
Is it a force?
...a singleton, godless...
[CdM] YES. I trust you far more than that!
[R] NO.
[B] NO.
Is it studied by scientists?
...a surety...
[CdM] While the answer might arguably be YES, I think it's more useful to say NO (because they know it darn well already).
Is it mathematical?
...deafening...
[R] YES. The crowd goes wild!
π?
...it's completed...
[CdM] YES! This circular, two-dimensional baton is now yours.
ABSTRACT
e?
Unknowing?
Knowledge?
R] N
B] N
R] N
I can type whatever I want here now!
Was it mentioned in the previous round?
T] N
Does it have to do with art?
R] N
Is there a book about it?
R] N? / Y mybe?
(CdM) Why are you writing in Welsh? I thought that was my privilege.
To do with science?
R] :)
R] N
minimalism?
S] N *a*
The void?
Initials?
Abbreviations?
R] N
T] N
B] N *s a*
Are you performing the answer?
Prosigns ?
R] Y
B] N
Anything to do with Multipurpose Internet Mail Extensions?
B] N!
Data compression?
Related to a specific means of communication?
txtspk?
Shorthand?
R] N *a*
T] N gq!!
S] N *a*
R] N *a*
telegrammese?
R] N
(Hnt: Thnk mr gnrl/abstrct)
Initials?
An emotion?
Minimalism?
Is the AOTC case-sensitive? :-)
Something to do with the grammar or construction of language?
B] N
R] N
R] N
s] n
g] N

This AVMA seemed like an interesting idea when I thought of it, but in hindsight probably was a mistake. :) And my commitment to exemplifying the AOTC with my answers has left me unable to communicate any nuance in my responses. You are all being too specific; the AOTC is a general (and very simple concept) that is a feature of many of the guesses you have collectively made.
Simplicity?
R] N *substantial applause*
Elegance ("the beauty of simplicity")?
Symmetry?
Raak] No, but there may sometimes be a connection.
Rosie] No.
Less is more?
R] Close enough! The AOTC is “parsimony”, but I decided early on I’d accept anything in the ballpark of synonymy. Have a very small baton.
Th nxt s ... er, the next is ANIMAL with ABSTRACT connections.
Mythical creature?
Fictional?
Is it a chordate?
Is it a hedgehog that thinks it's the King?
[bl] Not a mythical creature.
[B] Not fictional.
[SM] The animals that could be involved are all chordates.
[T] Not a hedgehog that thinks it's the King. Neither, for that matter, it is an elephant that thinks it's President Putin, nor a platypus that thinks it's Napoleon.
Are these chordates extinct?
[RtG] Not extinct.
Human?
Do they have a readily defined habitat?
[Tuj] Human.
[SM] Given the previous answer, yes — this planet.
Unique?
[CdM] Not unique.
Does the abstract connection define a group of individuals?
[CdM] Not a group.
One particular human?
Does the AOTC include any Crescenters?
[bl] No particular human.
[T] The AOTC includes pretty much all humans.
Is the AOTC defined by who it excludes rather than includes?
Is this a human characteristic?
[T] That could be considered a political matter these days.
[R] Yes, that's a reasonable description. The few who do not have it might kick up a storm about the AOTC being ableist, hence previous answer.
Is the AOTC linked to one of the senses?
[CdM] The thing itself is linked to one of the senses, but that link plays no part in the AOTC.
A person with two legs?
[R] Legs not involved.
Is the AOTC a single word (articles aside)?
[T] Not a single word.

I think the ABSTRACT connection has been neglected.

Is the abstract connection something that philosophers have a particular interest in?
[CdM] Not philosophical.
Is the abstract connection health-related?
[CdM] Not health-related.
Are you aware of any Crescenters who *aren't* part of the AOTC?
[Tuj] No-one is literally part of the AOTC. Audience murmurs in amused suspense.
The chair would like to remind the panel that the ANIMAL category need not mean that the answer is an animal, or a set of animals.
Is the AOTC a set of parts of (human) animals?
[CdM] (The audience is relieved of their suspense.) The AOTC is a part of an animal.
Uniquely human?
(I think we need to clarify this)
[CdM] The ANIMAL aspect, no. The ABSTRACT connection, yes.
Is the abstract connection a metaphor?
[Everyone] Feel free to join in. :)
(Applause from the handful of people still in the room.) [CdM] It is a metaphor.
Too many cooks?
Does it involve one or more organs?
[SM] Not too many cooks.
[Tuj] It does involve one or more organs.
A brick shit-house?
Is the AOTC election-related?
[R] Not a brick shit-house.
[CdM] Not election-related.
Something to do with ears?
[Tuj] Not ears.
Are the organs in question internal?
(The audience is alert to see how the chair handles this tricky question.) [CdM] Yes.
Something to do with tongues?
[Tuj] (applause) It is to do with tongues.
Tongue in cheek?
[CdM] Not tongue in cheek.
Bilingualism?
Dwyieithrwydd for those not blessed with this facility.
Holding your tongue?
Sorry for not participating, the cat had got my tongue. Is that it?
Circling in for the kill...
[CdM] Not holding your tongue.
[B] The cat does not have hold of it.
Is the answer on the tip of my tongue?
Parler en langues?
[B] No, because...
[CdM] Yes, "the tip of the tongue" is the AOTC. Have this, er, whatchamacallit, thing sort of thing.
OK. Next we have a MINERAL with an ABSTRACT connection
Water?
A pearl of great price?
Water? No. (Not sure what the abstract connection would be there)
Pricey pearl? No.
Is it a song?
Song? No. Not even the abstract connection.
Man-made?
A gemstone mineral?
Human-made? No.
Gemstone? No.
Is it a gas?
Gas? No.
Does the Abstract connection have to do with a work of fiction?
Abstract connection to work of fiction? Yes. *applause*
Is the abstract connection a direction?
One Direction? No.
The Philosopher's Stone?
Philosopher’s stone? No.
A ring?
Is the fiction it's connected to sci-fi?
I'm totally thinking of the beryllium spheres from Galaxy Quest
Is it valuable?
A ring? No.
Sci-fi? No.
Valuable? Yes is probably the best answer, but I’ll warn you that it may be misleading.
Is it unique?
Unique? Yes.
Does it exist now?
Currently existing? Yes.
Is it in a fixed location?
Is it a monument?
Fixed location? Yes.
Monument? No.
Is it in a museum?
Is the abstract link to mythology?
In a museum? No.
Mythology? No.

As I'm feeling generous, here are a few hints.
1. You'll probably need to come at this from both angles. That is, you need to identify what kind of thing the MINERAL thing is, and you will also need to figure out the ABSTRACT connection.
2. Most, probably all, of you won't actually know the specific wording of the AOTC. But an equivalent identifying phrase is acceptable (and, once you've figured that out, the AOTC would be a quick google away).
3. Despite (2), most, probably all, of you know the ABSTRACT connection and most—though probably not all— have in some sense encountered the MINERAL AOTC.
Is it a statue?
Statue? No.
Is it in the human body?
In human body? No. (Unique, remember)
Is it made of stone?
Is it a religious item?
Made of stone? Yes (though that’s perhaps an odd way to put it, given you’ve established that it’s not human-made).
Religious? No.
A cairn?
Cairn? No.
Is it smaller than a double-decker bus?
Is it on Earth?
A geographical feature?
… and the audience awakens …
Smaller than double-decker bus? No.
On Earth? Yes.
Geographical feature? Yes.
There are lots of geographical features associated with fiction, spanning the spectrum from Rockall to the Marianas trench. Does it span more than one country?
Of cultural significance to a particular nation or group of people?
> 1 country? No.
Cultural significance? Yes.
Of cultural significance to a particular nation or group of people?
Cockup - forget that
Uluru?
Uluru? No. For free, I'll tell you that the cultural significance is probably not going to be particularly helpful to you.
Is it on a coast?
Is the work of fiction that forms the abstract connection less than 150 years old?
In Britain?
Coastal? No.
Fictional work post 1874? Yes.
In Britain? No.
It is highest part above 5000 feet?
> 2500 pairs of feet? Yes.
Mount Everest?
Mount Everest? No.
A named mountain?
Named mountain? Yes.
Is it in Australia?
Mount Ararat?
In Australia? No.
Mount Ararat? No.
In the Alps?
In the Alps? No.

This might be a good point to suggest you re-read my earlier hints. I suppose you could eventually get to the answer via geographic elimination, but that will be boring and might take a while. You won’t get there by guessing the names of mountains that you know; I doubt if any of you know this mountain by name. So I’d suggest following the abstract connection, which I promise you is not obscure.
Is it a feature of a mountain such as the side, a cave on it, or that bit that fell off the one in Alaska
The Kunlun Mountains (home to Shangri-La)?
Feature? No. The AOTC is the name of the entire mountain. The mountain does in some broad sense have a relevant “feature” but it is one that many mountains possess.
Kunlun Mountains? No.
Is the work of fiction a movie?
A movie? Yes. *applause, and also a little muttering *
Return to Witch Mountain?
RtWM? No.
Are the audience muttering because the movie was based on a work of fiction in another medium?
The excitement mounts (as it were)
Movie based on another work of fiction in another medium? Yes.
Is it on an island?
I'm quite glad it wasn't RtWM.
On an island? Yes.
Is the AOTC something like [Mountain name] where they shot the film [film name]?
Clarification: an example would be "Aoraki, which stood in for the Lonely Mountain in the film version of The Hobbit"
Is it north of the equator?
Form of AOTC? The AOTC is [Mountain Name]. But the judges would accept an answer in a similar form to "The mountain which stood in for the Lonely Mountain in the film version of the Hobbit"
Aoraki, which stood in for the Lonely Mountain in the film version of the Hobbit? No. *applause*
North of the equator? No.
Was the movie released in the last four years?
Released in last four years? No.
Mount Ngauruhoe/Mount Doom?
Let's get this out of the way: was the original author JRR Tolkein?
test
Weird. I can apparently apropos, but not stand
JRRT? Yes, because the AOTC is indeed Mount Ngauruhoe, the volcano that was used to represent Mount Doom in the LotR films. Mount Ngauruhoe is a mere 25 km away as the Nazgûl flies (can you have just one Nazgûl?) from where I have been hanging out for the past few weeks. It's a spectacular mountain.

This AVMA was taking so long that I seriously considered just throwing the baton away when we were hiking near the mountain a week or so ago. But I'm glad I didn't, because now I can hand the baton over to Rack. Which I'm totally going to do. Only maybe just not yet.
Hidden textAh. Apparently mc5 did not like the diacritic on the a in the name of the mountain. My apologies to the Maori.
s/Rack/Raak, obvs. But he still can’t have the baton.
Where's Gollum when you need him? Anyway, the next is ABSTRACT with ANIMAL connections.
Hang on, I forgot what I set already. (There is no antimemetics division.)
(thinks)
Ok, the next is MINERAL.
Test
1212, oh dear, more numberspam. Sorry.
Is it a stone etched with the AOTC?
Quick, before it changes again!
[Tuj] Your observation has collapsed the wave function. It is not a stone etched with the AOTC (AOTS?).
Is it larger than the Great Pyramid of Giza?
Is it unique?
[SM] (After some research.) It is not larger than the Great Pyramid.
[CdM] It is unique.
Is it man-made?
[R] Partly man-made.
Can you walk inside it?
[SM] You can walk inside part of it, but a simple "no" might be a better answer.
Was dynamite involved in its construction?
Is it a dam?
A quarry?
A barrow?
...and four come along at once
[SM] I think it unlikely, but I don't know.
[C,R,B] Neither Holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire a dam, nor a quarry, nor a barrow.
Calling it partly man-made may have been misleading. A simple "no" might have been a better answer there also.
Is the part that you can walk inside a natural cave?
[C] Not a natural cave.
Does it exist on Earth today?
Yes, it exists on Earth today.
Is it a geographic feature?
[CdM] Yes, a geographic feature!
Does it have 'DO NOT REMOVE' (or similar wording, I don't remember the exact) painted on it in large stern letters?
Does it have a religious or mystical function?
[SM] There is one warning sign I imagine is likely to be there, but nothing like "DO NOT REMOVE".
[C] No current religious function.
Is the warning sign more likely to be something like CAUTION: DO NOT FALL OFF ?
[CdM] Something like, in the sense that it would advise caution. (I have not actually seen the place myself to see just what warnings are posted, and haven't found anything on Google Street View.)
Is it in England?
[B] It is in England!
Is it mainly covered in grass?
[T] Judging from Google Maps, I'd say it is not mainly covered in grass.
Does it turn up in Shakespeare?
Does it involve water in a significant way?
[B] Not in Shakespeare, as far as Google tells me.
[CdM] Yes! There is water involved!
Is it an island?
St. Michael's Mount?
Lindisfarne?
[T] It is an island, but [CdM] not Lindisfarne, because [R] it is indeed St Michael's Mount. Have this perspex replica of the Great Pyramid with St Michael's Mount inside.
Good heavens. It's me!
This one is strictly speaking ABSTRACT but with strong MINERALconnections.
Sea level?
The weather?
Radio Caroline?
Aluminium futures?
Fictional?
Scientific?
Are the mineral connections liquid?
Sorry for the delay. Distracted by thunderstorms and general torpor.
(CdM) Not sea-level
(Tuj) Despite the above remark, NO
(Bis) NOT Radio Caroline
(SM) NOT Al futures
(Tuj) NOT fictional but maybe uncommon.
(Raak) NOT scientific
(CdM) Mineral connection NOT liquid.
Fictional?
Associated with a particular location?
Is it related to civil engineering?
(Raak) Already answered that. See Tuj (above). Still not fictional.
(CdM) NO. Could be anywhere (on earth).
(SM) YES, could be, but not its most common use.
Geology?
Is the mineral connection metal?
(SM) NOT geology
(Raak) Very probably the answer is YES but strictly it doesn't have to be.
Does magnetism play a role?
Is it radioactive?
(CdM) Magnetism? NO
(RTG) Radioactive? NO.
Does the Abstractness have to do with mysticism, occultism, woo in general?
Is the mineral connection predominantly a single element?
Is it on the earth?
(Raak) NO, nothing that fancy.
(CdM) A single element? YES, or very nearly so.
(Bismarck) YES, practically all of them.
Is the mineral connection man-made?
(Raak) YES, man-made.
Are the mineral things especially valuable?
(Raak) Mineral bits valuable? NO, not in the least.
A Pearly King, and the sequins thereof?
Is the AOTC to do with things that attach things to things?
(Bismarck) Your imagination does you proud but you are still close to Absolute Zero. So, alas, computer, right for once, says NO.
(CdM) YES, very much so.
An artifical superintelligence that converts everything into paperclips?
(Raak) Microsoft shall not rule the world! So, fortunately, NO.
ISO 10642?
(Bismarck) Beth yw hwn?
It's a screw, Rosie.
(Bis) A remarkable deduction. But we need to know more.
A left-handed screw?
(though, on reflection (see what I did there?) I wouldn’t call that abstract)
The sinister CdM is the winner! Surely the thread's arse-about-facedness is abstract even if the contraption itself is just a lump of metal. Take this laevo-baton and run with it.
Again? I'm a bit swamped right now, tbh, and can't give this game the love and tender care it deserves. So I'm going to leave the baton lying right here for whoever wants to pick it up.
How about a collective consciousness round? :-)
Does it begin with P?
That is only valid in Tuj-space.

Is it heavier than a duck?

Does it have one or more sporrans?
It is heavier than a duck
It possesses zero sporrans

Is it alive?
Unique?
It's alive!
It's NOT unique!

Does it appear on a national flag?
[Flag] No, I don't think it does.
Does it live in the ocean?
It does not live in the ocean.

Might it take tea with the vicar?

Is it real?
It is (more precisely they are) unlikely to take tea with the vicar, but the possibility can’t be ruled out entirely.
It is (they are) real.

Are they associated with a particular location?
Not really, people think they are but that's more an urban myth.

Does it or do they have feathers?

They do have feathers! (audience amusement)

Is this associated with some profession?

[Profession] Yes
Are they predominantly female?
Predominantly female? Yes.
Are they Burlesque Dancers?
They are not burlesque dancers.
Are they British?
Originally yes, though not always native.

Is it the all the parrots that have been used in the famous Monty Python sketch?

Well yes it is! Though I'd worry about having a mind like that. Here is a baton which was used as a perch in the first version of the sketch, ignore the thing nailed to it. Now pick the next subject and infuse some life into this.
I knew it. Sort of. So the next one is VEGETABLE. Have at it.
Is it carnivorous?
Does it taste good?
[SM] Not carnivorous.
[CdM] Does taste good.
Processed in any way before consumption?
Is this vegetable a fruit?
Is it a berry?
[Ro] It is not processed before consumption, other than cutting it up.
[CdM] It is a fruit.
[SM] It is a berry.
Is it red?
Is it commercially grown in the UK?
[CdM] Probably best to say that it isn't red.
[Raak] Yes, they are farmed in Wisbech and other places.
Ah! Be it a Fenland fruit?
Gooseberry?
[C] If it's grown in Wisbech, I suppose it is.
Hint: not a native fruit of the swamp.
[RtG] Not a gooseberry.
Is it an anagram?
… of “ruble byre”?
[SM] Anagrams certainly exist.
[CdM] No.
… of “dryer rebel”?
of "monel"?
[CdM] the "dreelberry" does not exist.
[SM] the AOTC has more than 5 letters.
… of “colder ruby”?
Hidden text [B] Maybe not, but the Bavarian lederberry certainly does
[CdM] That one doesn't grow in Wisbech.
Does it have a fuzzy exterior?
And I don't mean once it's gone bad
… of “bray longer”?
[SM] No, it is smooth.
[CdM] Vegan tie (anag.)
… of “carry Bren”?
begonia j ?
[Both of you] On (anag.).
Grapefruit?
[SM] Not a grapefruit.
Pomegranate? Are they Wisbechian? Seems a bit unlikely
I'm running very low on smooth fruits with enough letters that you just cut up.
Try a different type of question, then. And BTW it's not pomegranates.
Does "berry" form part of the AOTC?
[R] No.
… of “crumb cue”?
[CdM] Not that either.
Would an ordinary person include this in a fruit salad?
[Raak] I can't speak for the Wisbechians, but it's not a normal part of fruit salad.
… of “Avoca do”?
[CdM] Avoca-No.
… of “ban an a”?
[CdM] No-o, No-o-o-o.
... of (some kind of) "lemon"?
I guess SM asked that before, although B's answer didn't technically rule out a particular variety of melon. But all the ones I can think of are eaten in fruit salads or cooked (winter melon, for example). I'm struggling to think of something (always?) eaten raw but not included in a fruit salad...
[CdM] Why, yes, it does include those letters. (Glad someone noticed the clue.)
BTW I ruled out fruit salads because theoretically tomatoes could be used therein. Let's say if you buy fruit salad from a shop you won't find this in it.
Usually. In my experience.
Is it a type of melon?
[RtG] Yes!
… of “wore mantle”?
(though I’d view that as a common fruit salad ingredient)
[CdM] Oohh you are posh! Yes.
… of “two man reel”?
[CdM] Yes, that too. Restlessness among the Wisbechians/Wisbechites/Wisbechers in the audience.
… of “moral tween”?
[CdM] Ho-hum. Yes. Newt morale is sinking as calculations show several thousands of possible anagrams. And you wouldn't want to be responsible for the discouragement of those cute amphibians, would you?
… of “Water, Mel? No”?
[B, re newts]They’ll get better.
Never mind! I think I’ve got it!!!

Is it a Passiflora laurifolia?
[CdM] Nope. Not elm wear, either.
Someone put this game out of its misery, please.
Vladimir: Well, shall we go?
Estragon: Yes, let's go.
They do not move.
 (Watermelon for Godot)
Please?
Surely some Real Men Wot the answer? Must we find a Metal Owner to sacrifice a Moral Tween at a black mass? Alert Me Now when someone puzzles it out.
Is it a watermelon?
I think it's called a winner, but it's been such a long time
A fishing boat appeared. Looked up the trawler omen meaning and found that it meant I was indebted for my state of mind, and as a mental ower I had to declare a winner. But newly omèrta had been invoked, and I could only inspire the grass with my lawn emoter to spell out their name, Mo Trelawney. Take this baton and let's have less of this nonsense.God bless all who sail in you.
In an attempt to kick-start the game, a nice simple VEGETABLE and MINERAL, with possible small amounts of ANIMAL
A foodstuff?
Smokey bacon crisps?
Did this/these exist in the year 1800?
Foodstuff? I’m going to go with Yes. *audience members start pulling their dictionaries from their backpacks, briefcases, handbags and messenger bags, and the muttering begins immediately*
Smok(e)y bacon crisps? No.
Exist in 1800? Yes.
Is the mineral water?
Mineral = water? No, though water is involved.
Actually, forget I said that about water being involved. It’s at best misleading, and it’s not helpful.
Is the vegetable a fruit?
Not normally eaten by humans?
Vegetable = fruit? Yes.
Not eaten by humans? Were I to be annoyingly and misleadingly literal, I’d say Yes. The AOTC is not normally eaten by humans. But the reasonable answer is: No, because the vegetable (and animal) component is consumed by humans.
Dog biscuits?
Dog biscuits? No.
Bran flakes with fruit pieces and milk?
Breakfast? No.
A work by Damien Hirst involving a lot of formaldehyde?
Shark tank? No.
Does the mineral bit refer to the container?
Mineral = Container? Yes. *applause*
Is the misleading water In the Cells of the Eggplant?
What part of "forget I said that about water being involved" was so hard to understand, Raak?
C of E? No.
A jar of cranberry sauce?
Jar of cranberry sauce? No, but a *smattering of applause*
A pack of mince pies?
A pack of mince pies? No. *silence*
Is ye container made of glass?
It may yet be solved in time
Container made of glass? Yes.
Is it a drink?
A jar of Marmite?
A toast?
Is it a preserve?
Drink? Inside the container, Yes.
Marmite? No.
Toast, with or without marmite? No (but a *smattering of applause*
Preserve? No.
A cocktail?
Cocktail? No.
A bowl of strawberries and cream?
Strawberries and cream? That’s an unusual drink. No.
A smoothie?
Smoothie? No.
Effervescent?
Fizzy? Yes.
Alcoholiuc?
Babycham?
Alcoholic? Yes.
Babycham? *The French delegation in the audience rise en masse and walk out of the auditorium* No.
A glass of champagne?
Glass of champagne? *prolonged applause* No.
A bottle of champagne?
A bottle of champagne? Yes! Just in time for the new year! I have a baton here. Just hold it for me while I slice the top off it with this sword.
(Hic!) The next is MINERAL.
An empty bottle of champagne?
[CdM] No, I've already turned this one into a table light.
A single element?
[B] Generally not a single element.
Primarily or exclusively metal?
Something earthy?
Does it have a specific shape?
[CdM] All metal.
[R] Earthy like a lump of clay? No. Earthy like a garden fork? No. Earthy like the Willendorf Venus? No.
[RtG] Has a specific shape.
Is it smaller than a toaster?
[CdM] Smaller than a toaster.
Unique?
[CdM] Not unique.
A 10mm socket for a socket wrench?
I'm sure I had one once.
[B] Not a 10mm socket. Nor a 5/16” socket. Nor a #12 Torx wrench. Nor a three-quarter Gribley clamp.
BTW Gribley measured everything in eighths, that should have been a six-eighths clamp. Is it a statuette?
[RtG] Not a statuette.
Associated with a particular culture?
[CdM] Not associated with a particular culture.
Functional?
[CdM] Yes, functional.
A coin?
[C] Not a coin.
Would you find it in a cutlery drawer?
[RtG] Not found in a cutlery drawer.
Smaller than a slice of toast?
[CdM] Generally smaller than a slice of toast, I think, and I’m thinking of a big slice cut from a proper loaf, not a dainty crostini nibble.
Would you find it in a toolbox?
[RtG] Not found in a toolbox.
Would most morniversers own one?
Is the metal brass, either largely or wholly?
[CdM] Most Morniversers, quite possibly all but you never know, would not own one.
[Rosie] Not brass.
Is it part of a larger whole? Also, does it begin with P?
[CdM] Not a part of a larger whole. Does not begin with P.
There are two words on the card, one being the indefinite article.
A horseshoe?
[CdM] Good guess, but not a horseshoe.
A tin cup?
[RtG] Not a tin cup.
BTW, while "generally not a single element" was technically correct, most people don't really think of it as an alloy. Consider it to be "mostly a single element".
Is it of significant monetary value?
[CdM] Leaving aside archaeological remains, antiques, and over-priced handmade replicas on Etsy, no significant monetary value.
A piece of jewellery?
[B] Not jewellery.
A hint
The AOTC does not contain a Q.
Anything to do with animals?
[RtG] Its use usually relates to animals.
Are you sure it’s not a horseshoe?
[CdM] (laughter) One could say that it is the very opposite of a horseshoe.
A horsehat?
[bl] No, opposite in a different way.
A cowbell?
[RtG] Not a cowbell.
Hint: These aren’t much used these days, if at all. The British Museum has one that probably dates from Roman Britain.
Is it a bad luck charm?
[CdM] (laughter) Nothing so ineffective as a charm.
An ox goad?
[B] Not an ox goad, but that's the right direction relative to a horseshoe. You just need to go several times as far.
A spur?
[S] Not a spur, but stiull pointing in the right direction relative to a horseshoe. The direction here is releted to function, not geometry.
Is it used on more than one animal?
[RtG] The Wikipedia article on this mentions several types of animals, as well as some types of inanimate object, that it is or was used in relation to.
A bit?
[B] Not a bit.

Hint: This is not part of the equipage of an animal. The response to CdM's last guess bears pondering.

A bear trap?
[CdM] Getting into the ballpark. Not a bear trap.
Is there a religious context?
[RtG] Not religious.
Gotta finish this!
I think that the limit on guesses should be lifted... A snare? A birdcage?
[S] Not a snare (but audience appreciative).
Not a birdcage (audience less so).
The answer is two words, including the indefinite article. It does not contain any of Q, X, J, or Z.
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