You think you're all so smart. *flicks beaded braids*Piccadilly Circus

You're all a bunch of idioticiamous lunaticians! Two WMDs on Camden Town, closing all routes to Hyde Park.

[FB] There is no 'think' about it. Touching down at Heathrow Terminal 4.

What did you say you wanted to do to your mother, you disgusting pervert? Bank, and do so daily until it wears off or out.

Hell, your maternalistical fantasmagoristicies, my, they're remindicatin' me of an old Texational proverb, goes, uh, y'cain't fool someone as can be fooled no if you're a fool the fool you're foolin' cain't be the fool fooled uh... twice. Donald.

[Dubya] And that would make your move... what, exactly?

[pen] I fear you may have blown your cover...

[rab] And you too, dear. Quick, scarper before they spot us!

Who? Oh! *hides*

Dubya] We know where you live and your poodle.Gunnersbury

I got it all on video. Pay up suckers or the hampster gets it. Alperton.

Lock at the cock on that... Shepherd's Bush

What is it with women trying to show me useless bits of old rock. Bah! If you haven't got anything relevant to say stop trying to delay me from reaching Waterloo.

And exactly when did you start to think that your father was an Angel, you horrible little deviant?

[Sigmund] About the same time as you started getting evil ideas about Seven Sisters, Doc.

That Paisley man's Barking, I tell you. Totally Wimbledon. He's begun to talk in Bold Italic Font size+6. It's only a matter of time before he hits the Shift Lock, and starts using <font color= "weirdlimegreen"> Has to be committed, of course. And the key thrown away, as you'd expect.

[Sigmund] You're a fine one to talk! Someone likes the sound of their own over-educated and over-opinionated voice too much. Investing in property at New Cross Gate.

[Seto] Sounds like you can't tell the difference between Sigmund and Clement. Wapping idiot.

[Sister] Don't be too severe on Seto. My clinical investigations demonstrate that many of my patients cannot tell the difference between a bearded Viennese trick-cyclist and his grandson. We call this condition Bermondsey of the Medulla Oblongata, and sufferers are commonly characterised as Oval.

Fancy a Westminster?

Fach off back to Shepherds Bush.

You want advice? Make an appointment, for Finsbury Park's sake.

Appointments? That's just sooo dark ages. Bit like Warren Street.

WehIyahaanaidawhasganbaIlplaBalhamwahatduhnahin....

Oi, Ozzy. Shut it, or I'll have to send someone round to get Tufnell Park with you.

I now inform you that you are too far from Ruislip.

Oi, Mo! We don't like the telling of lies 'ere. Now 'op off out of it before I put Humpty and Little Bear onto you. And Jemima tells me you've been hanging around talking to toys at South Wimbledon. What's all that about?

[FB] Jemima should mind her own business or she's likely to find herself in Canada Water.

The Lord Of The Understairs has blown his cover. What a dildo. Now then - you bastards have trumped my Plonsky Rebound so I shall retaliate with a sly but carefully aimed Latimer Road leaving you all in Knip. Suckers!

I am hearing a great deal of aggression and suppressed desire to marry your respective mothers and fathers here. The underground system is the ideal sexual allegory, and I see you are all obsessed by the concept of long columnar red or silver cylinders thrusting through dark, warm tunnels interspersed with womb-like stations. Oh, Yes. I strongly advise you all take one of these Oval pills - I'm having one myself.

You can't do that dickhead, you're in Knip.

You are mistaken, madam. Your Id has taken over from your Ego, as far as I can see. Don't you understand, poor benighted ticket-of-leave person, that, in addition to being singularly unattractive to your sons, daughters, parents and, may I add, myself, you are erroneously displacing your anger into this gestalt of Mornington Crescent. But even in the rules of this notional Nirvana, simply declaring knip does not, in fact, enforce knip on your fellow players, who are just, may I say, as mixed up as you are, my dear, any more than calling me "dickhead" confers upon me the description thereof. Unfortunately, the rules for enforcing knip are not available to us right now, as the server that carries them, which is not York, and is currently not even Madeira, is also not available. In the meantime, would you like to discuss your fantasy of turning men's heads into phallic symbols, perhaps to return to your womb by some obvious route?

Dickhead. With knobs on.

Grrrrrrr..... Why don't you two just go chuck yourselves through the Round Window and save us all a lot of grief? With a bit of luck, it'll be the toilet-flushing sequence running through the other side. Whatever you do, don't look through the Sloane Square window. That's mine, all mine.

Hark at her! Just what we need - a bloody great mop in dungarees telling us what to do. Get back to your jelly on a plate! And anyway, the only ones who ever opted for the square window had the bugs. I shall go for the Marble Arched window and hope for the sweet factory sequence.

Mad... You're all mad, I tell you. Totally flippin' Cockfosters, actually.

Siggy played Guitar
Analysin' Mrs Trellis
And her plum jam in jars
She played Ickenham
But her LV was sparse
...

[Bavid] Crap. Pudding Mill Lane would be closer to the mark, I reckon.

[SF] I wouldn't go flinging mud around when you're making moves as bad as that one.

None of you will be worth bothering about once I install the new Kaiba Corp HQ at Temple.

What a fine pair of bollocks our friend Kaiba is sporting there. Crossharbour & London Arena.

Call that a move? We will Gunnersbury you!

Oh, Yeah? You and what Arsenal?

Am I late? Oh my mind's all in a tizz! I just caught the train from Richmond, don't bold that, and darling... what do you mean you bolded it? Darling that's not right. Oh alright then.

[Dale] So catch the train straight back, you w*nker. With a bit of luck, you'll fall through the gap at Finchley Road and we'll all be spared your mincing antics.

Now now ladies. Bank.

What a shocking suggestion. But Poplar.

I feel agression in the air, but who's it going to be?

Bugger off, the lot of you. I'm trying to get some peace in my Swiss Cottage.

[!CPEoLR] You sir, are an imposter. Bugger off yourself. East India. Yes, that will do.

Next! Prince Regent.

I'm Spartacus! Bethnal Green

To my knowledge, Lower Ruritania does indeed have a Crown Prince Eustace, a Real Crown Prince Eustace, a genuine Crown Prince Eustace and a People's Crown Prince Eustace. I trust Euston is appropriate? To be perfectly honest with you I don't care if it isn't.

Fear me you snivelling humans ! I arrive belching fire and emitting noxious fumes. Look upon my moves and despair, oh puny creatures of Planet Earth. That which is righteous in my indignation, verily shall it come to pass. Therefore, cower - cower ye feeble things and behold Tooting Bec

Up yours, Zarquor. Belching fire and emitting noxious fumes? Not while I'm recording Play Away you don't. We have standards to keep, and besides, I don't want to upset the floor manager because he saw me doing things to Brian Cant on the platform at Shepherd's Bush and might mention them in the wrong circles, if y'know what I mean.

*thwack* Cyprus is where I'm headed to get away from you lot.

Well that gets rid of the goofy penguin. Borough. Pardon me, too many cucumber sandwiches.

And flames shall engulf the surface of the Earth and there shall be hissing and spitting as of the sulphurous vapours from the pit. And lo, a behemoth shall rise from the molten crust, yea from the very mantle of the Earth. And its name shall be Poplar and all will fall beneath its mighty gaze. And the trembling masses shall quake and quail before the Beast of the Unfathomed Deep. And home will be declared at Brent Cross. And a sky-blue pink podume shall be rendered up unto the mighty Zarqhor by way of sacrifice and to attempt amelioration of his mighty wrath.

That's it. I refuse to continue to treat you lot as serious psychiatric cases, worthy of my attention. It is evident you are all as crazy as electrical coots, and should have been consigned to Monument (nearest stop for Bedlam) years ago. I shall now retire from this discussion, and devote my life to choosing which contestants on I'm a Total Idiot and Laughing Stock who hasn't had enough Media Exposure Lately, for God's Sake, don't Get me Out of Here until I've Made a Total Prat of myself for at least a Week to enter in my Celebdaq portfolio.

Wassa matter with you wimps? Aincha ever been verbally abused before? Too Knightsbridge for a straight fight, are ya?

I think ye can all feck off ta Mornington Crescent.

I won this you goofy pillock.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Sigmund was gil and Floella (or possibly Mrs T) was Bob the Dog.

Vengeance upon the slimy mortal by the name of Sister Wendy shall be merciless ! The Great Zarqhor had MC in three, how dare this art-loving provincial nun dare attain the mighty Home Station before the all-powerful, all-conquering Zarqhor. Be warned, ye minnow in a wimple, annihilation is not a pleasant fate ! And I, Zarqhor, Master of the Realms of Dark Matter, Overlord of the Pillars of Andromeda, Nabob of Pluto, shall not take this lying down. For the hyperpotent Zarqhor is really cheesed off. Consider thy habit slighted and thy rosaries cast asunder. Thou hast been naughty in his opinion and shall suffer the loss of podumes up to and including all bronze podumes.

[rab] Rong, you thicko. :o)

Floella is penelope or I shall eat my titanium headgear.

[rab] OK - Half right - doggy kisses, Bob :o) Sister Wendy? rab, I'll be bound!

[Mrs T aka BtD] Well, I don't think removing me from my habit-at was rocket science. But then, neither is rocket science...

[Z the A] It's my smile that gives it away, dammit. Here, have a biscuit. That helmet will only get stuck in your teeth. ;o)

The pathetically simple to unmask players so far

• Mrs Trellis = Bob the Dog
• Floella Benjamin = penelope
• Sister Wendy = rab
• and it has been suggested (but not confiirmed) the Sigmund Freud was gil

So what about all those Crown Ponce Uselesses? And Pepperami, to name but a few.

[ZtA] Martha Farquar?

I am not nor have I ever been a Martha Farquar, nor will I ever be one.

And I never temporarily masqueraded as Bavid Dowie.

I confess to Siggy Froyd, Pepperami (because Siggy had resigned) and Crown Prince Eustace of Lower Ruritania (in exile) - but not any of the others.

In addition to being a nun I was also The People's Crown Prince Eustace of Lower Ruritania (but none of the others).

As no-one accused me, I'd better own up to being Zarqhor the Annihilator

you can all just shut-up coz u smell no one likes u and floella bejamin can go and bum dale winton

get in the lot of you