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Ruin a Wish
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Genies are known for their trickery in which they will technically grant a wish but then there are consequences to that wish being granted. A classic example is that somebody will wish for a million dollars, but then we find out the million dollars is stolen from banks.

So, let's take a turn at being those tricky genies, in a way - because we have the internet and imagination (yeah, the wishes, consquences and conditions can get VERY SILLY)!

The beginning poster posts a wish. The person that posts under it grants the wish, but they put in the part that isn't wanted. That person then also puts their own wish and the game continues.

It might look something like this.

Pen:

I wish I had a million dollars.

Simons Mith:

Granted, but the million dollars is stolen from banks.

I wish I never had to pay another utility bill.

Rak:

Granted, but now you live on a boat with pirates.

I wish I had eyes in the back of my head.

And on it goes . . .

So, I'll start with my wish. I wish that I would never get too cold, no matter the temperature.
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You might be a bit late: The latest pictures show the back end of the telescope, thereby proving its existence.

I wish I could remember the thing I came into this room for.

Don't worry, it is irretrievably lost anyway. Open a beer.

I wish I could move to a parallel universe
You are already in one. You don't seriously think The Morniverse could exist in the "real" one, do you? This is the problem - reality is totally illusory.

I wish to move to Argentina.

Go on, start swimming. No vehicles allowed, that classes as "being moved", not "moving".

I wish to play Beethoven's "Emperor" Concerto in the Royal Albert Hall.

Gotcha smartphone? Earbuds? Here's yer ticket, go in through that entrance and select this link and away you go.

I wish Marvel would stop inventing dubious superheroes. After all, all we need is Donald Trump, have you seen those pictures?

Granted, but now Marvel likes to invent weird anthropomorphic plants that they insist go in every comic book and movie.

I wish that I always had the exact plate or bowl that I need.
Ooh, this mail-order catalogue has just what you need! There's the posture corset, the egg clock, and this patented Crockery Dispenser Unit with Integrated Dishwasher and Purification unit. Controlled by a smartphone app, upgrade available to AI-based Predictive Plate Use (PPU). It's on wheels so you can take it with you wherever you go.

I wish people would listen to what I say.

You could try taking that tea-towel out of your mouth. Or possibly get the speech level above 1db with a bit of singing training. If all else fails, stomp and gesticulate wildly while miming.

I wish for death by roast duck and hoisin sauce
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........WHOMPPFFF.

I wish all the workers would stop striking.

Welcome to the zero-hours non-unionized gig economy, also known as Russia.

I wish all this silliness, these half-baked political solutions, would end.

Well, Boris Johnson just resigned, will that do?

I wish I could find a builder I can have confidence in.

Isn't he your uncle?
Well, you could always hire Bob, right? But, then you'd have to become a cartoon. I think we can fix that?
I wish things would quit delaying my house from being fully repaired.
The longer it takes the less likely are you to remember the old one. You will have in effect a new house.

I wish to destroy, annihilate, pulverise Manchester City.

You can borrow my pet Dalek if you like. Runs on cat food and a bit of TLC.

I wish the price of high-grade steak would come down
Here you are, just a £ a lb. ’Course, it’s badger steak, but they’re hand-reared shade-grown organic badger steaks, and if you put in a regular order, we can offer a 50% discount on a badger fur coat.

I wish I could wear my badger fur coat without vegans throwing paint at me.

So you shall! Be a badger, and the darling not only of vegans but of wildlife lovers.

I wish I could land this reusable rocket back on its launchpad without it falling over.

[Radox] You successfully land the rocket, but then the launchpad takes off and flies away forever.

I wish I could decorate my wall and not get tired from putting stuff on the wall.
[KagomeShuko] Unhindered by fatigue, you devote the rest of your days to obsessively redecorating the same wall repeatedly.

I wish I could be in love again. What am I to do?
Take a selfie.

I wish to read my own obituary.

We can grant this, but be warned, after reading, you are unlikely ever to want to talk to the authors as long as you live.

I would like to be given a hug and some reassuring words every day forever more.
Welcome to iHug, your personal e-motional companion, with TruFur™ technology!

I want to go to Burning Man.
Our special all-in-one tour will take you not only there, but also to Drowning Woman, Flying Baby and Exploding Cat. Only £1576 until end of August.

I want to write a pop mega-hit
[Pablo] Granted! You write a pop hit, but after a few days, everybody starts HATING your song and you never heard the end of it! I wish I could clean entire households simply by THINKING about cleaning them and not have to do any physical work.
Reduced to an immortal, disembodied psychokinetic intelligence, you are able to while away eternity keeping everyone's house clean.

Let me return to youth and take another run-up at life.
We can't risk that again, so take this infant and infuse it with all the experience and wisdom at your disposal, so that it makes none of the same mistakes.

I want to impeach the President.

(After checking the datestamp on that last move)
You get the previous incumbent instead... (I made a typo in that as "pervious" originally. It's rather apt as I think about it.)

I wish I could fall asleep at a regular hour.
You get bitten by a vampire, and henceforth sleep throughout the hours of daylight.

I wish I could read the whole of Project Gutenberg.

You can, but it's a pretty dull autobiography after the bits about Police Academy

I wish I could work on Doctor Who
You wake up a nurse in an old folks' home, wiping Colin Baker's bottom while he babbles about Spielsnapes.

I wish Winter were over and there were more daylight
The sun goes nova.

I want to invent warp drive and go to the stars, explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilisations, and boldly go where no man has gone before.
You find yourself spouting implausible technobabble on an unconvincing set, your toupee visibly slipping.

I want a cuddle.
A boa constrictor slithers up and lovingly wraps himself round you.

I wish to be able to read Chinese characters

[Rosie] Granted. You find that all of your books are now in Chinese, but you can't read English any longer.

I wish I could control whenever my dog barks.
Granted. However, your sofa begins to bark.

I wish it was next Friday already.
It already is, for this is last Friday's next Friday.

If only we could have a proper pagan Yule instead of this new-fangled Christmassy stuff.
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