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Ruin a Wish
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Genies are known for their trickery in which they will technically grant a wish but then there are consequences to that wish being granted. A classic example is that somebody will wish for a million dollars, but then we find out the million dollars is stolen from banks.

So, let's take a turn at being those tricky genies, in a way - because we have the internet and imagination (yeah, the wishes, consquences and conditions can get VERY SILLY)!

The beginning poster posts a wish. The person that posts under it grants the wish, but they put in the part that isn't wanted. That person then also puts their own wish and the game continues.

It might look something like this.

Pen:

I wish I had a million dollars.

Simons Mith:

Granted, but the million dollars is stolen from banks.

I wish I never had to pay another utility bill.

Rak:

Granted, but now you live on a boat with pirates.

I wish I had eyes in the back of my head.

And on it goes . . .


So, I'll start with my wish. I wish that I would never get too cold, no matter the temperature.
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Congratulations! You have been accepted as a driver at the antique locomotive crash testing facility!

Personally I have always longed for a really comfortable recliner.
Granted! His name is Gavin, he's nestled blissfully across your sofa and won't be moving anytime in the foreseeable future. Keep the beer and snacks coming eh?
Hidden textMy kids and I play a variant of this game called Useless Superpowers, so it's things like: You can fly, but only 1cm from the ground.


I wish I could go back in time and advise my younger self on life matters and possibly lottery numbers.
You can now go back and talk to your former self, but the only advice you can give is about which flowers you should've looked at more closely and which lottery numbers won at SOME POINT, but you don't know when that happened.

I wish that broken bones healed immediately rather than taking months to heal.
Granted, but watch out that you actually set the bones into all the right places to start with otherwise you end up looking like an exhibit in the Turner prize.

I wish I could have a device which automatically senses and destroys total knobheads.
Yes, the world would be a much better place except that there would be no footballers, which would suit some, but not me.

I wish I could afford to employ a gardener.

Achieved by sale of garden.

I wish I knew the rules of Mornington Crescent
Hidden textNot trying to end the game!
You are the lucky winner of The Complete Rules, Condensed and Abridged, a set of four hundred A3 x 1500pp volumes with the essential parts of the original text photoreduced to nine pages on each page. Magnifying glass included! Also included: a lifetime subscription to the quarterly supplemental volumes, and a prepaid seat in the IMCS entrance examinations, for which a thorough knowledge of these materials is a must.

If only we had colonies on Mars.
In your new role as a fungus, any Mars product is fair game, get on in there my lad!

I wish that male pattern baldness were indicative of the possession of a super-power.

Do you really wish to live in a society where the most influential person is Sajid Javid?

I wish I'd married that bird.

And here is your new bride - a Norwegian Blue.

I wish to live perpetually at the age of 40
Hidden textYou've nailed to its perch, y'bugga.

Assuming you are now 40 you can do that by travelling permanently at the speed of light. We'll miss you - don't do it.

I would like 30-hour day, as befits the more natural human rhythm.

The slowing of the Earth's rotation causes earthquakes, tsunamis, droughts, and floods worldwide. Ocean currents that international shipping and stable weather depend on become chaotic, with scientists estimating that they might settle down in a hundred years. Geosynchronous comsats, clocks, timetables, and timezones must all be replaced. Wouldn't it have been simpler to just take some melatonin now and then?

I wish I could leap tall buildings with a single bound.
Granted! Are you quite sure you'll survive the landings on the other side however?

I wish I could speak to a human being straight away on the phone when ringing up a company
Hidden textDream big, Tim, dream big...
Granted, but God help you when you get through to some of the morons that companies employ on their phones these days.

I wish I had the co-ordination necessary to play a large pipe organ
Granted! You now have a three year contract to appear in select direct-to-blu-ray features co-starring one "Long Schlong Silver".

I wish for World Peace.
World peace? That's all very well but Britain would then have no-one to brown-nose (sorry about the verbed noun) and would have even less influence than it has now.

I would like to see more sunshine.

No problems, you are selected to accompany Jeff Bezos to Mercury in one of 'is rockets.

I would like to be resistant to stress.

You run into Pygmalion, who is so enraptured with the perfection of your body as a subject for sculpture that before you can say "aetalaG", the force of his artistic vision has transformed you into a marble statue.

I wish I could bench-press 300 pounds.
If that were so I'd stay clear of your local garage. Your probable hourly rate would be infinitesimal compared with the operating costs of a hydraulic jack, let alone its capital cost. Besides, it's all oily and some cars are really heavy.

I wish to be an MP

If you really want to be hated by those in your profession who do the real work, then I suppose being a Military Policeman is for you. There's an opening in the US Army, just ask this recruiting sergeant.

I would like to be a Formula 1 driver.

Fine, here's a van full of powdered infant food and your delivery plan. Good luck.

I wish I could discover what Dark Matter really is.
Simples, if you want to see the flash into the ultraviolet whose spectrum betrays its constituent parts, just hang about on the edge of this black hole, and ... oops.

I want to be able to read minds.

just visiting from MCIOS
However finding out what everyone really thinks about you, is likely to make you want to crawl under the duvet and hide - except your better half gives you some strongly negative thoughts about not wanting you there either.

I wish I had a comfortably warm place to live (which can be economically heated).

My compost heap is available at very reasonable rates - works on totally natural heat generation (and slugs)

I wish to become the world's greatest freediver
That will take some training: here, spend a year with this friendly sperm whale, just do what he does and you'll find you'll be diving to 12000 feet under the sea very quickly!

I want to travel faster than light.

According to the theory of Time And Relative Dimension In Space, being able to travel faster than light is equivalent to having a time machine. You are in great danger of meeting your younger selves and dying of embarrassment, and if you get over that, you will face an eternity of saving the universe from destruction every Saturday.

I wish the James Webb telescope could see even farther.

You might be a bit late: The latest pictures show the back end of the telescope, thereby proving its existence.

I wish I could remember the thing I came into this room for.

Don't worry, it is irretrievably lost anyway. Open a beer.

I wish I could move to a parallel universe
You are already in one. You don't seriously think The Morniverse could exist in the "real" one, do you? This is the problem - reality is totally illusory.

I wish to move to Argentina.

Go on, start swimming. No vehicles allowed, that classes as "being moved", not "moving".

I wish to play Beethoven's "Emperor" Concerto in the Royal Albert Hall.

Gotcha smartphone? Earbuds? Here's yer ticket, go in through that entrance and select this link and away you go.

I wish Marvel would stop inventing dubious superheroes. After all, all we need is Donald Trump, have you seen those pictures?

Granted, but now Marvel likes to invent weird anthropomorphic plants that they insist go in every comic book and movie.

I wish that I always had the exact plate or bowl that I need.
Ooh, this mail-order catalogue has just what you need! There's the posture corset, the egg clock, and this patented Crockery Dispenser Unit with Integrated Dishwasher and Purification unit. Controlled by a smartphone app, upgrade available to AI-based Predictive Plate Use (PPU). It's on wheels so you can take it with you wherever you go.

I wish people would listen to what I say.

You could try taking that tea-towel out of your mouth. Or possibly get the speech level above 1db with a bit of singing training. If all else fails, stomp and gesticulate wildly while miming.

I wish for death by roast duck and hoisin sauce
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........WHOMPPFFF.

I wish all the workers would stop striking.

Welcome to the zero-hours non-unionized gig economy, also known as Russia.

I wish all this silliness, these half-baked political solutions, would end.

Well, Boris Johnson just resigned, will that do?

I wish I could find a builder I can have confidence in.

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Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord