Oh. I thought it might have been the double negative in the last sentence.

A Belfast Sandwich refers to any foodstuff which causes highly explosive flatulence - as eloquently expressed in the well known saying, "Those globe artichokes make me fart like a Belfast Sandwich."

While I'm getting my coat, does anyone know what a Tavistock Kevin is?

Oh yes. Kevin Tavistock ("Kevin t' hav' 'is stock"; shown as Tavistock Kevin) is a fake sender name filled in by automatically propagating spamming worms. If you recall the Weebl & Bob episode "Bob Goes To France Part 3", you'll recall that Kevin was a transvestite French stripper that stole Bob's kidneys. The e-mailed name gives reference to that; the contents of the spam are for smuggled organs.

Anyone ever hear this one, popular in Maryland: Frightened pink terrapin ?

[Frightened pink terrapin ] Nope. That's a new one on me. On the other hand, you may have been fooled by the rather broad Maryland accent. Could you have been hearing, instead, "Heightened sink tarpaulin", a device for preventing one's washbasin from being invaded by what the locals, for tourism reasons, like to call "pine bugs", but are, in fact, massive, rapacious, fast reproducing, genetically modified cockroaches with very loud voices.

What's it mean when someone is referred to as a bit of an Andogynous Andrew.

A little confusion here too. An Androgynous Andrew is someone who is readily available for procreation with either sex (eg "he's very 'Andy"). An Anogynous Andrew, however, is an unlicenced form of wholewheat bread*.

What takes Jones'Finger to arrange when in Kent?
* - Made from incorrectly Spelt flour.

Jones' Finger is a Kentish expression for a dibber, a finger-shaped implement for dibbing holes in the soil to plant seeds in.

Isn't a frightened pink terrapin what happens when a gentleman's *ahem* is unable to *ahem*?

What are Curtain Tongs for?

[when a gentleman's *ahem* is unable to *ahem*] ... due to a hairless scrotum, perhaps?

[Andogynous] sorreee - inadequate poof reading.

deliberate error, turkey

Curtain Tongs (the real thing) are used for hanging, taking down and adjusting glassfibre drapes which are magnificently fireproof, but tend to insert fine fibres of, frankly, glass under the fingernails if dealt with by bare hands even in latex gloves. The term is really now the equivalent of "A Bargepole" in the phrase "I wouldn't touch him/her with Curtain Tongs, even before I heard the rumour", and is even reduced to an adjective in some demotic contexts. As in: "Whaddya think of 'er?" "Curtain Tongs, mate. Curtain Tongs."

Phone Bottle

The ability to charm someone's knickers off over the phone, especially when one is invariably tongue-tied and bashful face to face.

Chimney Poker

Any gambling card game conducted in a smoke-filled room (usually with attendant beer, flatulence and bad language)

Modesty Cupboard

Isn't that where one keeps one's face pyjamas?

Greased Lemon

Buttering you toast - someone used this as a sexual reference...and I'm dying to find out what it means...

I believe it involves a greased lemon.

[Raak] righhhttt....