A little confusion here too. An Androgynous Andrew is someone who is readily available for procreation with either sex (eg "he's very 'Andy"). An Anogynous Andrew, however, is an unlicenced form of wholewheat bread*.

What takes Jones'Finger to arrange when in Kent?
* - Made from incorrectly Spelt flour.

Jones' Finger is a Kentish expression for a dibber, a finger-shaped implement for dibbing holes in the soil to plant seeds in.

Isn't a frightened pink terrapin what happens when a gentleman's *ahem* is unable to *ahem*?

What are Curtain Tongs for?

[when a gentleman's *ahem* is unable to *ahem*] ... due to a hairless scrotum, perhaps?

[Andogynous] sorreee - inadequate poof reading.

deliberate error, turkey

Curtain Tongs (the real thing) are used for hanging, taking down and adjusting glassfibre drapes which are magnificently fireproof, but tend to insert fine fibres of, frankly, glass under the fingernails if dealt with by bare hands even in latex gloves. The term is really now the equivalent of "A Bargepole" in the phrase "I wouldn't touch him/her with Curtain Tongs, even before I heard the rumour", and is even reduced to an adjective in some demotic contexts. As in: "Whaddya think of 'er?" "Curtain Tongs, mate. Curtain Tongs."

Phone Bottle

The ability to charm someone's knickers off over the phone, especially when one is invariably tongue-tied and bashful face to face.

Chimney Poker

Any gambling card game conducted in a smoke-filled room (usually with attendant beer, flatulence and bad language)

Modesty Cupboard

Isn't that where one keeps one's face pyjamas?

Greased Lemon

Buttering you toast - someone used this as a sexual reference...and I'm dying to find out what it means...

I believe it involves a greased lemon.

[Raak] righhhttt....

Bit of a messy entry there. Thanks for clearing it up, Raak.

Buttering you (sic) toast. Simply means spreading a sort of emulsion made from the scum that floats to the top of a certain farmyard animal's mammalian secretions onto a scorched slice of material sawed from a block consisting of the ground up tops of certain grasses, a fungoid organism which exhales greenhouse gases, a little fat and ascorbic acid mixed with a little water, which is pounded together, allowed to ferment for a while and then roasted in a hot oven until brown all over. Not terribly romantic, I'm afraid. And you do NOT want to hear what's meant by "bacon, black pudding and eggs"!

Puffed Wheat - Ha! I nearly said "Corn Flakes".

This is an allusion to the story of the three little pigs and the big bad wolf. The first little pig built his house of straw, and the wolf huffed and puffed and blew it away. Hence, to describe an enterprise as puffed wheat is to imply that it has been undertaken with no real effort and no knowledge of what is required and how to carry it out, and will fail at the first test. Cf. Stacked Broomhandles, referring to the second pig's house of sticks, which meets a similar fate, showing that although real effort has been applied, it is wasted without real knowledge; and Stout Brick, referring to the third pig's house built with right effort knowledgeably applied.

Daisy Piercing

'Daisy Piercing' was well known during the 17th and 18th centuries but appears to have fallen into a decline of usage. Whilst it originally had only one meaning it was expanded during it's later use and, eventually, meant two things

A) The art (and it is one) of hanging a cow bell

B) The act of a gigolo - the inference here being that gigolos generally 'date' old cows.

Hello, hello; I seem to have cut off myself. So, and it's something that has always intrigued me and yet something to which I have never had a satisfactory answer; what is a

Kiwi fruit?