Well, a Swan-Upper's Vest is the right thing to swan around in and afterwards you could nip down the PUB.

Why mention the Polyester Umbrella Boutique? I shall go mad I tell you, MAD! (Maniacal cackle continues under next three moves)

You are obviously a single person. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, for which Mums and Dads should pilloried. I put the blame for this attitude squarely and bluntly on the PCA. Hrrmph!

Well I should watch out if I were you, the Parental Control Association seems to have lost its grip in many cases. I blame the NUT.

Are you sure you want to blame the Nightingale Unification Trust? That seems completely absurd! If there are any birds involved, it's probably an AUK.