Euphemisms have been outlawed in 30% of Chechnya.

Nell Gwyn's place in history would have been assured if she'd accepted the marriage proposal of either Alexander Graham Bell or Colin Sell. She died, however, content in the knowledge that she'd been immortalised in the opening line of Gray's Elegy.

My boyfriend constantly complains. We're going out tonight for an evening of whining and dining.

The Bolivian Death Marmot, a fearsome little beast, can spray its highly poisonous and corrosive gastric juices up to a distance of ten meters. Nevertheless, brave Death Marmot hunters capture and skin them for their beautiful (and quite valuable) pelts, and when boiled with yams, they can be mashed into a paste that not only cures baldness, but also tastes exactly like buttered popcorn.

Indeed, Riff, in fact - when banged around with a pestel and mortar it's better than viagra; least ways, it is suppose to have certain, err, effects - just as is popcorn in the back row of the cinema, (well, so I'm told.) ... ;-)

Ruckily ri reek rin ra rorral rashion. Reveryrody ran runderrand re.

Ri runderrood revery rord rof rat.

Helicopters fly by repelling the ground away from them because they are so ugly.

My solar plexus stops working when the sun goes in.

All cows are called Colin.

This is how "Colindale" got its name.

All pigs are called Birmingham.

. . . except me.

All chickens have one purple feather just under their left wingpit

I used to own a walking stick which was fluent in fourteen languages. Unfortunately, none of them was English, so I encouraged it to follow an academic career at Leeds University, where it is now a staff professor.

groan.
The equator is far from being an imaginary line -- it is, in fact, the seam where the top half of the Earth unscrews. The interior is used to store fudge.

There is no such thing as pie.

Chain-link fences are woven by large mechanical spiders..

I store a large jug of platypus milk in my hat, just in case of emergencies.

Dunx] My walking stick was crap - it limped.

I suffer from an acute phobia of spignurtles, although fortunately these are not due to be invented until the year 2178.

I am not an American.

I worked at the white House in the 90's. I have the distinction of being the only woman there that Bill Clinton did not hit on. I have to have therapy, as a result.

[Tina]Yes, I remember you from your antics in the ante-room.

Thyme heals all wounds.

Tina] What an amazing coincidence! I also worked at the White House in the 90's. Sadly I had to leave office in January 2001 – after having hit on every woman in my employment except one.

Many people have scoffed at Secretary-of-State and former general Colin Powell for pronouncing his forename with the long 'o' sound, but it is actually a homage to the fact that he has discovered he is descended from one of Louis Pasteur's original specimens of E-Coli. George W. Bush's great-great-great grandfather was actually a sneeze from George Washington's horse.

There is no such thing as America

Chalk is actually fossilized snow.

Riff - you have a poor sense of humour. I am not glad you are posting here.

I'm glad Bob hasn't posted anything about a small mammalian superhero lately.

[Bob] Your words offend me greatly; I rue the day I came here.

Atop the Rotunda, overlooking the dilapidated and crumbling 1960s concrete Bull Ring arcade, evil Birmingham city centre development engineers plot a complete redevelopment of the entire West Midlands into the worlds biggest handbag-shaped shopping experience. Could this be another job for "Planning objection Gerbil"?