Helicopters fly by repelling the ground away from them because they are so ugly.

My solar plexus stops working when the sun goes in.

All cows are called Colin.

This is how "Colindale" got its name.

All pigs are called Birmingham.

. . . except me.

All chickens have one purple feather just under their left wingpit

I used to own a walking stick which was fluent in fourteen languages. Unfortunately, none of them was English, so I encouraged it to follow an academic career at Leeds University, where it is now a staff professor.

groan.
The equator is far from being an imaginary line -- it is, in fact, the seam where the top half of the Earth unscrews. The interior is used to store fudge.