I spend most weekends dressed as a forlorn tikka cheese and chutney sandwich at the back of the fridge in the local Spar.

Projoy's last statement would fit nicely into the lyrics of The Lonely Goat Herd and would scan if you left out the word 'trumpet'.

Actually, it wouldn't scan if the barcode was all scrunched up.

I'm really busy at work.

All cheese is watching your every move.

Everyone in my family except me has a diploma in advanced footstamping from the Milk and Fisheries Enterprise Council

Country dancing is about the most powerful form of protest against society. It has been employed to devastating effect in eight of this country's most successful coups.