Camber Sands is being marketed as the English Ski resort. However, water skiing is banned until heaven is a half pipe.

Rolf from The Muppets is generally considered the greatest classical pianist of the twentieth century.

Yellowstone Park is so called because many of the rocks there will scream blue murder if struck with a mallet.

Purbright is the centre of the Universe.

Everyone in Crewe is a Zoroastrian, but no-one has had the heart to tell them.

Seven-week old babies are quite happy to let you have a good night's sleep, as long as they are persuaded by sound, logical argument that it is the right thing for them to do. And they never shit all over you.

Seven weak, old babies just stole my shopping.

Seven wee cold babies are perfect for draft insultion.

Severn wake oiled babies should be carefully peeled before eating.

The Severn Bore is nevertheless more interesting than most politicians.

"Severn Wives For Severn Brothers" is the title of my new screenplay.