Squares have always wanted to be circular, but they've never got round to it.

Triangles have no wish to be square, but they do have guardian angles.

Lines cannot become triangles because they have no three will.

Spheres taste of strawberry, but circles are just plane.

I was going to launch into a discussion of mapping of steeplechase course in non-directed graphs, but then changed my mind when I realised that I don't even understand simple coordinate systems - I didn't want to put Descartes before the horse.

The Spanish government has decided to expel all members of ETA. By making them all leave via a single checkpoint it has effectively put all its Basques in one exit. (Points at Dunx: "Well, he started it!!")

Kim. That was not clever or funny.

[Dunx/Kim] Your posts have made me feel unhappy. Boo! Hiss!

My house is carpeted with Golden Syrup, so the floors are always beautifully flat.

I have a problem with rug addiction.

Rug addiction is a major cause of cream.

I've just been arrested for cruelty to parrots. Apparently you really can't have a macaque and eat it.

A macaque is a kind of parrot. It's nothing to do with monkeys at all.

I like marmot on toast for breakfast.

I tried to light a fire in my canoe once, but it sank. Seems you can't have your kayak and heat it.

"No, just disgracing a politican is enough...you can't have your Aitken beaten too."

As soon as I get out of bed in the morning I stand in front of the mirror practicising all the stances I am going to take that day. On the days I forget to do this, I am forced to stand to attention the whole day for fear of forgetting how to do the more complex stances and embarrassing myself.

I have 7 stances, 5 positions, 4 mannerisms, 3 poses and an attitude in my repertoire.

My vocabulary consists of just six words.

I don't have a vocabulary - I use a specially trained team of mice to type out my formless thoughts.

My vocabulary is white and furry and comes in handy on cold winter days.

There are a lot of highly ranked army chaps stuck to a wall in my house. It's a major sticking point.

I failed to snort painfully with laughter at Boolbar's miltary fib.

"Knees Up Mother Brown" is considered gynaecologically impossible.

^I _am s^uff_erⁱng fr_om ⁱrr_it^abl_e v^ow_el syndr^om_e.