I was going to launch into a discussion of mapping of steeplechase course in non-directed graphs, but then changed my mind when I realised that I don't even understand simple coordinate systems - I didn't want to put Descartes before the horse.

The Spanish government has decided to expel all members of ETA. By making them all leave via a single checkpoint it has effectively put all its Basques in one exit. (Points at Dunx: "Well, he started it!!")

Kim. That was not clever or funny.

[Dunx/Kim] Your posts have made me feel unhappy. Boo! Hiss!

My house is carpeted with Golden Syrup, so the floors are always beautifully flat.

I have a problem with rug addiction.

Rug addiction is a major cause of cream.

I've just been arrested for cruelty to parrots. Apparently you really can't have a macaque and eat it.

A macaque is a kind of parrot. It's nothing to do with monkeys at all.

I like marmot on toast for breakfast.

I tried to light a fire in my canoe once, but it sank. Seems you can't have your kayak and heat it.

"No, just disgracing a politican is enough...you can't have your Aitken beaten too."

As soon as I get out of bed in the morning I stand in front of the mirror practicising all the stances I am going to take that day. On the days I forget to do this, I am forced to stand to attention the whole day for fear of forgetting how to do the more complex stances and embarrassing myself.

I have 7 stances, 5 positions, 4 mannerisms, 3 poses and an attitude in my repertoire.

My vocabulary consists of just six words.

I don't have a vocabulary - I use a specially trained team of mice to type out my formless thoughts.

My vocabulary is white and furry and comes in handy on cold winter days.

There are a lot of highly ranked army chaps stuck to a wall in my house. It's a major sticking point.

I failed to snort painfully with laughter at Boolbar's miltary fib.

"Knees Up Mother Brown" is considered gynaecologically impossible.

^I _am s^uff_erⁱng fr_om ⁱrr_it^abl_e v^ow_el syndr^om_e.