Each night when no one watches I astrally project into the nearest MacDonalds and wolf down a Big Mac or three.

Three days into my stunt I got bored writing in my journal and instead have started drawing pictures of housebricks.

I can see the pub from here

David Blaine came 'round for a cup of complan this morning.

There's no reason to talk like a pirate now.

I'd be averse to continuing.

I be continuing a verse.
Which is why I contributed a superb and witty last line to the current limerick.

I was going to write a currant Limerick, but couldn't think of a raisin.

Raisin The Titanic was a popular film amongst the dried fruit community.

Former Cincinnati Reds' owner Marge Schott has some wonderful anecdotes about dried fruits.

The National Association for the Advancement of Dried Fruit and Against Fruitist Defamation is campaigning for positive, realistic media portrayals of dried fruit, instead of images in advertisments showing tempting, non-mouldy, appetising, beautifully-coloured and plump dried fruits. Protests have begun and already five food stylists have been the victim of assault by prunes, apricots and papaya. The less radical National Association for Dried Fruit has condemned the attacks. A spokespineapple said "we need to integrate into society, not attack it" as he poured delicious cream over himself and laid in a dish, then proceeding to offer our reporter a spoon.

totally syntax grammar. and unnecessary is

Some radical peanuts, marginalised even among the dry snacks community, have formed "Nuts To You!" a dadaist organisation dedicated to making random piles of peanuts in unexpected contexts. In the latest "happening" three tons of peanuts, both dry roasted and uncooked, assembled in the Virgin Megastore on Times Square. Breakaway cashews attempted to form a rival pyramid on Broadway, but could only command three pounds of their number.

And in related news, there has been a small wok riot in a Chinese Supermarket in Leamington.

Sewage farms are just a myth. They are really a front for the Women's Institute.

... which rather makes you wonder about what's in the jam.

Projoy, you are truly awful. Now I know how you won the Turner Prize.

The General Post Office has largely fallen into obscurity these days, mainly because people don't need Generals posting through the mail any more. However some small businesses are able to fulfil the remaining niche market, such as postmeageneral.com

Circles are only circular on Tuesdays.

Squares have always wanted to be circular, but they've never got round to it.

Triangles have no wish to be square, but they do have guardian angles.