Long John Silver's horse had three wooden legs.

And, strangely, his dining table kept falling over.

The most famous pirate who ever sailed the seven seas was Gilbert Perkins, whom fate had destined to be a chartered accountant, but, by pure freak of chance, was given misleading advice by a senile careers advisor at the end of his O-levels.

Perkins would have had no chance at accountancy. He was half Irish, half Scottish, a quarter Canadian, two-thirds Polish, and seven-eighths Nigerian, so his teachers dismissed him as being mathematically impossible.

There may only be seven seas now, but there was an eighth until its warranty ran out and it sank.

Pirates are a myth created by a subterrainean bureaucracy that has severe spelling difficulties to mask it's activities with the King of Canada's daughter

tongue twisters make baby jesus cry

Jesus is the Son of God. Damn! No-one will buy that rubbish! Yarr!

Jesus is a cry baby. (Three nails and a briar never hurt anyone!)