In case of infirmity in old age, I am going to buy a stair-lift to heaven, in case my staircase should prove too arduous a climb.
I have a USB cat.
I catch the Universal Serial Bus to work every morning.
The Universal Cereal Bus stops by every morning. I usually get a bowl of pure bran fiber with marshmallows.
I have a parallel port next to Portsmouth.
I cut down a tree by mistake last week. We're saving the Error Log to burn at Christmas.
"My error log is SoBig...."
The coat of arms for Bromsgrove is a guinea pig rampant and bears the Latin motto Demum, veniunt porci.
This is all true.
Bruce Forsyth actually detests the sight of other people, the sight of other people detests.
Thanks to USB compatibility I can now speak Swahili.
I have just put more RAM in my computer. He was a bit too big so his curly horns are sticking out of my floppy drive.
I have just pawned my knees to raise money to buy a new nose. My original nose was stolen by a collector of nasal hare, a rare breed of leporid.
I have an aging pop singer up my nose....that's right, Cilia Black.
Here is a picture of me on the beach with no clothes on.
The Queen secretly detests corgis, and just keeps them around for show. When no-one is looking, she thwaps them with her royal sceptre.
[snorgle] That makes Projoy proud to be Welsh.
My kaleidoscope has been spelling out secret messages to me for the last five years. Thanks to its efforts I now have a full list of Iraqi weapons deveopment sites and honest lawyers.
One of Queen Victoria's favourite recreations was sipping.
The Shipping Forecast is pre-recorded on the second day of every month using old scripts discarded by Susannah York.
Suzanne Charlton is so short that when she did television weather forecasts she had to stand on a box.