Roget's real name was actually Roger - but 'Rogers The Saurus' was deemed to be an unsuitable title for such a worthy tome as he might become the victim of crass innuendo.

I have recently pitied the fool that tried to get me onto an aeroplane.

In case of infirmity in old age, I am going to buy a stair-lift to heaven, in case my staircase should prove too arduous a climb.

I have a USB cat.

I catch the Universal Serial Bus to work every morning.

The Universal Cereal Bus stops by every morning. I usually get a bowl of pure bran fiber with marshmallows.

I have a parallel port next to Portsmouth.

I cut down a tree by mistake last week. We're saving the Error Log to burn at Christmas.

"My error log is SoBig...."