mc5 - ... so help me God.

Cows will fall over if you shake a turnip at them.

Carrickfergus fudge is the only explosive fudge.

However, most sticks of rock will explode readily in the presence of candy floss and a child under the age of 10. This is the real reason they are always so filthy.

blamelewis

Jammy Badger Slapping is illegal in Chiswick

blamelewis

To make up for this, everything else is legal there, which is why Chiswick is world renowned as a pit of moral turpitude.

blamelewis

I once fell into a pit of moral turpentine. It told me off for looking at other strippers.

Bob the dog

Testicles are not funny.

penelope

I'm having a ball.

DrQu+xum

I was a late arrival to the Urologists' Ball.

Thos

It is illegal to say "slat" north of Inverness

Software

I once went out with a slat, she was a bit of a goer.

Bob the dog

Goer is a village in Derbyshire noted for it's slats.

blamelewis

[BtD] It's near the Hamlet of Mathy Caw, I believe.

blamelewis

Yesterday I met a lady who assured me that all that glittered was Gold. She made some interesting purchases too.

bluestoned

glistered not glittered

Dunx

The custom dictionary is always right.

DrQu+xum

Roget wrote his thesaurus after losing a bar bet about how many synonyms there are for "harlot".

Chalky

Roget's real name was actually Roger - but 'Rogers The Saurus' was deemed to be an unsuitable title for such a worthy tome as he might become the victim of crass innuendo.

Mr T(hos)

I have recently pitied the fool that tried to get me onto an aeroplane.