Prince William weighs seventeen stone, but conceals it with clever use of makeup.

Envelopes are permitted to vote.

Music teachers all have special retractible mandibles that enable them to play big chords on the piano.

The Royal Shakespeare Company has recently run out of Shakespeares.

You can cure Alzheimer's by paddling in soup.

Clam chowder is highly explosive.

Porno for pyros mostly consists of naked flames.

This idea that you need some expensive "player" for CDs is just a con. Angle your CD correctly in alignment with the rays of the Sun and the whole solar system will resound to the beat of Roxy Music.

Contrary to popular belief, the Queen is deeply uninterested in her public and constitutional duties. She goes down the bookie's while official visits, state openings and protocol receptions are all done for her by a little man called Murgatroyd in a wig.