mc5 - ... so help me God.

I was driving from Oslo to Stavanger, and was tailgated by a large lobster the entire way.

Our Chief Executive has been replaced by an Executive Chief, complete with feathery headdress, totem pole and attaché case.

The Attaché Indians are famed for their collection of scalps from cowboy builders.

I was a cowboy builder until I ran out of spurs & stetsons

I used to build coyboys, initially out of lego, and later on out of meccano. Several of them were extras in Westworld

You can get at least three coyboys for the price of a cowboy.

I have been mistaken for a coy boy many times - but not since I became a lady boy.

Jethro Tull's Aqualung is much misunderstood.

It sucks, too, and should be bought by no-one.

George Gershwin started the second world war with Porgy and Bess.

"Courgette" is an intrinsically funny word, as is "Spain".

Whereas the words "pineapple, "turd" and "lobster" have no humorous content whatsoever.

"Moist" is the most unfunny word ever.

My workplace sent us all home this afternoon, owing to an unexpected plague of locusts on the fifth floor.

The sand from Weymouth's beaches makes an excellent lubricant.

Sales of KY jelly are falling everywhere in the world as tubes of Weymouth sand eat up its market share.

I have done all the floors in my house as replicas of the Giant's Causeway in Co. Antrim.