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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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The Angle of The North is π/2 radians.
- Which is exactly opposite to Hells Angles.
Most Hells' Angles have excellent degrees
Hells' Angles ride protractors.
[Btd] I always enjoy watching the Hells' Angles compass our town.
[Dr Q] Do they hang around in the set square? Or just make acute remarks?
A right angle always boils at 90 degrees, no matter how high the altitude or length of hypotenuse.
[Dunx] I've heard they just make obtuse observations.
They are called Hells' Angles because they like sin. Or am I going off a tangent?
The Hell's Angles tend to overstate their doings, though - it's all hyperbolic sin.
And although most of the Hell's Angles are completely helical on something most of the time, their ruler is completely straight.
[Projoy] That's just a reflex.
I recently invented the antitractor as the best way of measuring angles inaccurately.
[Thos] My Aunty drives a tractor inaccurately as well.
[Thos] Actually, the opposite of a protractor is a contractor. </lie>Come to think of it...<lie>
A process that is contracted is the opposite of a protracted process.
I have a neutractor, which reserves its opinion on how big an angle is.
And I've got a brand new combine harvester. I'm hanging onto the key though. Sorry.
I can see through all the walls in my office building.
My office building has no walls. We have to take it in turns to stand at the corners to hold the roof up.
Surely a doddle for a fully-qualified fairy princess?
Cilla Black lives in the bins out the back of the London Astoria.
It is illegal to download photographic material off the internet.
Gawd this game depresses me...
There are no real flowers in the whole of Aberdeen.
A smartie once told me the answer, but I forgot it.
I'm allergic to smarties. That's why I work around physicists.
Enrico Fermi was an idiot -- he just guessed correctly several thousand times.
There are as many pebbles on the shore as there are atoms in the universe.
.sdrawkcab emit hguorht gnillevart ma I
Punting down the River Styx at this time of year is so charming
"Punting down the River Styx" is a euphemism for a gynecological exam.
"Sticking your hand up the birth canal" is a euphemism for holidaying on a narrowboat.
Gynecology is now the third most popular GCSE.
[Projoy] No I haven't
The second most popular GCSE subject is Hotwiring
There is in fact only one slip 'twixt cup and lip, and it's a silk one.
Cheese is self-aware
Random surrealism is an adequate substitute for wit anyday.
[blamelewis] That one slip dropped an easy catch, tho.
There is nothing that shouldn't be done more often.
I just looked out of the window, and saw Omar Sharif riding a camel towards me.
Mirages only occur in warm desserts.
My doppelganger looks nothing like me.
[Thos] Same as me, and his doppleganger doesn't look like him or me, but his doppleganger looks exactly like me (but not the other two).
The Red Dragon that follows me around doesn't have a doppelganger. That makes us both proud to be Welsh.
I'm not stealing any of Projoy's material.
Projoy's material is 90% polyester.
I'm not hiding from customers right now, and certainly not listening to Just A Minute.
Projoy appeared on Just A Minute in 1998 as a late booking after Paul Merton caught Anthrax.
Sorry, that should have read "Paul Merton caught Anthrax Whirl of PantsMC."
Paul Merton chose his surname by throwing a dart at a map of Greater London. He threw a second one after getting only porno roles with his first name "Paul Cockfosters".
Zoë Ball had a love child with Tony Hawks.
That's utter Ball-Hawks.
Camp America is a fairly accurate description.
Camp America is the worlds largest importer of tentpoles.
Camp America is a euphemism for a field hospital set up to treat those troops with R.S.I. in the wrist.
The buns in my kitchen are plotting against the loaves in the freezer.
Kate Adie has been despatched to report on the coup d'toast in Ibid's kitchen.
I have just invented a cheese magnet which can attract pickle
However, I have ruined my own invention by also creating the all-soap ploughman's lunch.
My jars of pickle all just flew off my desk, politely waited until someone opened the door, then made off down the corridor.
[Thos] Ah. Nostalgia! My father was an All-Soap Ploughman.
The word "shallot" is too selfish to pass the sugar when asked.
My brother's trampoline has been knighted for services to raspberries.
I have a brother.
None of the Brothers of whom I have heard are considered to be 'one of the lads'
My broom is my best friend.
Lost X-rated Shakespeare scripts include Price of Denmark II - More Gore at Elsinore, The Merry ****s of Windsor (in which Fellatio returns from Venice, Bottom reappears and the messenger has a big part) and Bagpuss.
I was driving from Oslo to Stavanger, and was tailgated by a large lobster the entire way.
Our Chief Executive has been replaced by an Executive Chief, complete with feathery headdress, totem pole and attaché case.
The Attaché Indians are famed for their collection of scalps from cowboy builders.
I was a cowboy builder until I ran out of spurs & stetsons
I used to build coyboys, initially out of lego, and later on out of meccano. Several of them were extras in Westworld
You can get at least three coyboys for the price of a cowboy.
I have been mistaken for a coy boy many times - but not since I became a lady boy.
Jethro Tull's Aqualung is much misunderstood.
It sucks, too, and should be bought by no-one.
George Gershwin started the second world war with Porgy and Bess.
"Courgette" is an intrinsically funny word, as is "Spain".
Whereas the words "pineapple, "turd" and "lobster" have no humorous content whatsoever.
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