Ibid] Watch it sunshine, your ululations have just emptied my kidney shaped swimming pool.

Midnight velvet is the new black.

Cyan does not exist. It is a pigment of the imagination.

The disappearance of certain shades of blue is a cyan of the times.

[BTD & D] I can hear the collective cyan (or perhaps it's groaning) from here!

Maladya is the female form of Magenta.

Magenta Divine has been appointed as the new head of MI6, and has apparently insisted that the new James Bond be played by a woman.

Black is the new Orange, Orange is the new Nokia, Nokia is the new Knock, and Knock is the new Papal residence.

'Dave' the beetle is currently the leading exponent of invertebrate rights in the European parliament.

Watson and Crick are being used as aerials on the top of my block of flats. Their BBC2 reception is rubbish.

Montagues and Capulets are rival brands of chocolate filled biscuits.

There is a special second level domain - rope.uk - for manufacturers of rope or anything that rhymes with it.

The Catholic church has just purchased a new domain under that hierarchy.

Icann is about to introduce a several new top level domains to increase capacity for popular types of sites. They are:

• .bananaicecream
• .clip
• .sockhop
• .welshman
• .zx81
• .dinghy
• .jup (the new code for domains hosted on Jupiter)
• .flintstones

Everybody agrees that these make a creditable and necessary extension of cyberspace.

They turned down lobbying for .shambles and .hannibal

Although they will be introducing .spam and .scam very soon to help with filtering content.

God never carries cash with him, preferring instead to use Luncheon Vouchers.

The Roman emperor Caracalla paid for everything in slices of camel. He was accompanied everywhere by a special camel slicer, whose art lay not in causing the beast minimal pain, but by preventing very large sections from collapsing into bits.

To transport soldiers to Normandy in 1944, the government requisitioned five thousand Mini Coopers.

I am a member of seventy six thousand gymnasia.

Cromwell only popped down to Naseby town centre to get some tweezers and a ham roll, but he met one or two royalists there and things got a bit out of hand.

[Projoy] I already own drqu+xum.one-eighth.welshman. I'm putting pictures of the Red Dragon that follows me around. His is the "RED HOT HOT HOT PICS" section.

[Projoy] That must make you proud to be Welsh.

[Projoy] I have more to say to you right now.

Caxton invented fig rolls.

Ce matin un lapin a tué un chasseur.

The new Miffy book is out, entitled "Miffy is Squiffy".

Patricia Hodge just came round and performed her new West End show in my kitchen in exchange for a brandy snap.

Patricia Hodge has a new West End show.

Maureen Lipman is my Jewish Grandma.

Antonym is the opposite of Cleopatra.

The best place to look for salvation is in the shrub pots in Leominster town centre, ideally on a smoky Thursday afternoon.

I have saved 3,745 souls. With compound interest, this means I now own nearly 4,000 souls.

Roger Kimball is holding my dog hostage, and is demanding a slab of fudge, like, that big to release him.

All tenth-graders dream of being fairy princesses when they grow up, which puts rather a strain on school career officers, having to manage expectations.

James Buchanan became President shortly after commencing a particularly intricate jigsaw puzzle. Unable to be distracted from it by affairs of state, he continued to work on it for almost his entire term of office. When he eventually placed the last piece and looked up to hear what his official had been saying about Kansas, he discovered Abraham Lincoln was in the room, having just been sworn in, insisting that the jigsaw be swept off the table forthwith. The jigsaw was broken up by an official. Buchanan never recovered from the heartbreak and died irritably a few years later.

[Projoy] Luckily for me, my dream came true!

Badgers only watch black and white movies.

Workmen digging up the road would never piss in your hedge.

The British Museum orbits McDonald's Head Office at 9000 revolutions per second.

At the peak of his career, Francisco Franco could maintain 9000 revolutions per second. He was known as the "Fastest Fascist". Then he gained a lot of weight and became known as the "Fattest Fastest Fascist". Then he became a green grocer and was known as the "Freshest Fattest Fastest Fascist".