Penge is one of the wonders of the world. It's marble towers reach up into the skies, the colourful markets are full of the freshest produce, and great parks echo to the sounds of birds and the happy townsfolk. The roads leading to the Great South Gate through the white city walls are stained only be the tears of locals who are leaving, and visitors who know they will never see such a beautiful sight again.

This lie is my life's work.

I did not just fart.

I am not pissed right now.

I am not too busy :-(

I never write rude limericks.

"Yoffy" from Fingerbobs has invited us all out for a swinging pilgrimage curry at the Dilshad Tandoori on Sunday the 27th. He popped in to borrow a wheelbarrow full of feathers this morning. Meet at 8.30pm, bring your own keys. Dress code: Welsh.

[BtD] That makes me proud to be a Welsh Terrier.

During an investigation into the recent crive wave sweeping South Korea, authorities have uncovered massive infiltration by the Mafia. The shadowy figure at the centre of the trouble is known only as James Brown. This is because he is the Godfather of Seoul.

Big Ben has never been more than 1 second wrong since the day it was built. The greatest excursion from accuracy occurred on March 26, 1893, at 03:21:32, when it was for a few seconds 0.783 seconds slow, due to the inattentiveness of the official clock-watcher. He was immediately relieved of the post, and excuted by being tied to the clapper of the great bell while it next struck midnight.

I neither smiled nor chuckled happily upon reading Uncle Korky's inspired post.

#a6bf09 is the new black.

Black humour was invented by Othello.

All of Shakespeare's plays were actually named after board games, most of which no longer survive.

Breadmaster] I've got a 1960s boxed set of The Taming of the Shrew by Merit. It is complete apart from a missing Kate. I've been looking everywhere for a replacement, but the nearest I've found is a Bottom.

I don't think there's a game idea in that.

43% of all fishmongers in Yorkshire practice Voudoun.

Your carpet is alive. It is listening to everything you say, reporting everything you do to its masters.

Spam is people!

People aren't really that strange.

Jim] Thats not what you said this morning when you popped round (for a cup of sugar) and I answered the door in my caterpillar suit.