My cheque book is 200m long.

Lee (from Peters and Lee) has invited us all to a Naughty Glove party at 17 Foxtail Close, Ashwick on Friday the 25th. She mentioned this to me when she came 'round to borrow a cup of peat this morning. It'll start at 2pm, bring your own scissors and Pritstick plus a Trebor product of your choice for the fondue. Dress code: fanatical WI.

The best cure for a toothache is oil of gloves.

I share my flat with an outsize marmoset.

[Projoy] I'm not outsized, I'm just big-boned!

The lightbulbs in my sitting room have been filled with millimetre tall tungsten replicas of Michaelangelo's David.

Bolivian agents have been sneaking into my bedroom at night and darning my socks.