St. Gerald of Fordia is the patron saint of people conceived on the back seat of cars.

Which is why some rear seats are termed 'Dickie' seats.

Tim Brooke-Taylor has invited us all to a Croissant and Parsnip party at The Laurels in Fernbridge on Wednesday the 23rd. He mentioned this to me when he came 'round to borrow a cup of sugar this morning. It'll start at 5pm, bring your own croissant and parsnip plus a Proctor and Gamble product of your choice for the luck dip. Dress code: biblical.

Radio 4 has recently developed halitosis, causing its ratings to fall heavily

I may live in a ground floor flat, but I'm still having a loft conversion.

I own a chain of Malaysian restaurants right across Africa. That makes me proud to be Welsh.

My cheque book is 200m long.