My underpants have gunwales and are staffed by a small army of sailors who use cannon to sink any enemy underpants that come too close.

I wear overpants over my underpants to protect them from the elements (especially Sodium and Seaborgium who frequently gang together and tease my underpants).

I wear underunderpants so that my underpants don't have to feel they have no role in life.

An onion is simply a grape with two many layers of pants.

In order to make my meanings clear in many different contexts, I always add xml tags into my speech.

I can identify any tune, simply by licking the grooves on a vinyl record.

The role of Hamlet has never yet been performed by a man.

As well as their range of "Frappucinos", Starbucks also do a line of "Fappucinos", which are handy for artificial insemination.

Sitting on a garden sprinkler can help ward off pleurisy.

To make sure I stay on the right side of the law, there's a little 3 foot policeman that walks around with me, holding my left hand.

Actually it is me in disguise. I like to know what my 'naughty boy' gets up to when he is at large.

Interestingly my disguise is not as a policeman at all. I think my husband is confused by the big blue helmet.

I am a distance vet and psychically can heal ailing animals. Press your pet's nose
HERE ¨ ☻
for a cure.

Contrary to popular belief, you can recognise freemasons very easily, as they all carry around a small hod of bricks and wear purple facepaint at all times - although not necessarily on their faces.

Wading through treacle is rather like filling out tax forms.

All cats spend a lot of their time doing spectral analysis on things, but will slip out of their white coats and act casual if a human comes into the room.

70 percent of cats under the age of 20 smoke.