Henry II had a beard made out of tortoiseshell.

Chepstow smells of mothballs

Carpets dissolved in gin are a fashionable drink in Aberdeen

The rubber duck is a symbol of evil in Venice

The rubber duck is the ultimate nihilist statement.

Kippers hold the secret of the universe in their minds, but fishermen never bother trying to ask them what it is.

Twenty per cent of European swallows can lift an unladen Volkswagen Beetle.

There is only one rubber duck, and it teleports itself unseen from one bathtub to the next. Anywhere more than one rubber duck is seen at once, mirrors have been employed.

Proper whisky is turquoise.

Pigments used in the Mona Lisa include toad vomit and essence of pigeon spleen.

Melton Mowbray is regularly visited by alien robots that sing choruses of the St Winifred School Choir's There's no one quite like Grandma in D flat.

Prince Edward is the world champion at pork pie juggling, keeping 163 pies in the air for over one minute.

Corgis have a gestelt intellect.