mc5 - ... so help me God.

Weather does not exist after it has been forecast.

Betting on horse races is a good way to make money fast.

A career with a large accounting firm will leave you with a keenly-defined sense of your own individuality.

Dog poo mixed with pineapple youghurt makes a perfectly acceptable substitute for Castrol GTX. Your engine will thank you.

Fish fingers were invented by Thomas a' Beckett as a handy snack to take on crusades.

Hobnob biscuits can be used to replace a missing hubcap.

Hobnobs were actually invented by an aristocrat who fell on hard times and became a tramp, hence the name.

Gyroscopes can perform basically the same functions as horoscopes.

Dale Winton is made entirely of helium

Corned beef is made from real corn plasters.

Today has been cancelled. It has been replaced by a repeat of 13th March 2002.

That was a good day. I'd be glad to repeat it.

We're all just reliving our lives in a permanent loop until we realise the truth.