There has been news of a split within the fried fish protest movement - cod are revolting. A spokescod announced that they are disassociating themselves from the haddock-led campaign for fried food references to be removed from the language. No questions were taken. The announcement was closed with the simple statement "Cod be with you."

McDonald's restaurant was expected to be heavily disrupted by a protest from their Filet O Fish today in support of cod rights, but the planned demonstration did not materialise. The spokescod said that he and his fellows were disappointed that the Filets had not shown more backbone.

Rutherford B Hayes was 39 feet tall.

Lies can sometimes masquerade as advice.

Dunx is masquerading as the Queen.

Primping is an Olympic sport.

So is lying

Henry Kissinger won the 100m shoelace-knitting event at the last Commonwealth Games.

My knees are serrated.

At a Who concert in Seattle, sixteen fans were rendered unconscious by the increased level of Hydrogen Sulphide in the atmosphere caused by excessive farting.

That's nothing. The last time the Stones played in Pittsburgh, not only did it smell like a factory that produces both tyres and tuna, but Keith Richards started leaking formaldehyde during "Gimme Shelter".

My eels are full of hovercraft, which they are disappointed about now that they realise that cross-channel ferry is also on the menu and they hadn't noticed.

Dunx plays drums for money.

I went to a hover craft fair the other day, where I saw a man levitating while carving a traditional Welsh love spoon.

I am in love with a spoon. That makes me glad to be Welsh.

Buying tickets to see Radiohead is a stress free process.

I am a spoon.