Lies can sometimes masquerade as advice.

Dunx is masquerading as the Queen.

Primping is an Olympic sport.

So is lying

Henry Kissinger won the 100m shoelace-knitting event at the last Commonwealth Games.

My knees are serrated.

At a Who concert in Seattle, sixteen fans were rendered unconscious by the increased level of Hydrogen Sulphide in the atmosphere caused by excessive farting.

That's nothing. The last time the Stones played in Pittsburgh, not only did it smell like a factory that produces both tyres and tuna, but Keith Richards started leaking formaldehyde during "Gimme Shelter".

My eels are full of hovercraft, which they are disappointed about now that they realise that cross-channel ferry is also on the menu and they hadn't noticed.

Dunx plays drums for money.

I went to a hover craft fair the other day, where I saw a man levitating while carving a traditional Welsh love spoon.

I am in love with a spoon. That makes me glad to be Welsh.

Buying tickets to see Radiohead is a stress free process.

I am a spoon.

There used to be three Coen brothers, but the third one stayed in the fountain.

I live in a Welsh love spoon.

Ancient Hindu kingdom Nepal has recently adopted The Shoop Shoop Song as its national anthem.

There are proposals afoot to change it again next year, to Nkosi Sikelele Afrika.

People with sickle cell anaemia do not find jokes about the Grim Reaper funny, because he uses a scythe.

I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!

Lion Bars contain about 10% lion; uncooked, which is why they are so chewy.

Likewise, Double Decker bars are manufactured using discarded parts from the original Routemaster buses.

Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark used to gain vast profits from touring due to not having to bother with a lighting rig.

Yet again the Eurovision Song Contest has showcased the finest in European culture, setting yet higher our shared international standards when it comes to music.

It is totally wrong that the UK Eurovision entry came last! It was a total fix, and Jemini were such clearly talented singers that they deserved to win more than any other country!

KitKats contain about 10% deep fried kitten, which is why they are so crunchy.

John Logie Baird would be delighted by Big Brother.

I'm not back from vacation yet.

The Isle of Wight is famous throughout the world for the vast herds of wild rhino that roam its hillsides. To keep their numbers in check they must be regularly hunted with hounds by the local gentry, and during the hunting season (April-September) tourists flock from far and wide to witness this thrilling spectacle. The hides thus obtained provide a unique combination of water-resistance and breathability and are made into a highly successful outdoor fabric known as Gore-Tex.

Everytime you eat a Galaxy bar, whole galaxies are destroyed. One day someone will eat a Galaxy bar that will destroy our own galaxy, so watch out!

GoreT_EX is a political extension to L^aT_EX.

[Boolbar] Don't worry, Universal equilibrium is assured - since there are million of Mars Bars and Milky Ways eaten each year and Mars and the Milky Way have suffered no visible ill effects we can only conclude that some other force exists to restore balance and prevent the *actual* destruction of the system or planet in question. Probably a savoury force.

[blamelewis] The universe as we know it is kept in equilibrium by breakfast guardians flying around rectifying the wrongs of those who eat Galaxys, Mars Bars , Milkyways and Star Bars. I've seen them on telly, the programme is called Star Brek. It was serialised.

Humans subsisting solely on pampas grass can live for over 300 years.