Babies are easy to tell apart because they come in three varieties - Walnut, Haddock and Medicine Ball.

Oh bugger, that is true.

Oh bugger, so is that.

Oh bugger, so is that.

I think I'll continue posting in this manner, as I am sure I will receive hearty congratulations from all fellow contributors.

Celebrity update: Cro-magnon Man and Worcester Woman are to split. They don't say where to though.

As I was about to eat my chips just now, they started wriggling out of my grasp and starting an anti-chip-eating protest movement, using bits of torn up greaseproof-paper as banners and asking Sting to sign petitions.