London is also famous for its biannual luvvie hunt, which helps to strengthen the West End by clearing out the old and weak actors. They are dug out of their bars, and chased by ravenous critics, to rapturous applause.

My favourite seduction technique is to half close my eyes and pop my tongue in and out of my mouth in a suggestive manner. It works every time.

The Queen earns a bit of money on the side as a cabbie.

If you lick the queen, she gets very sticky.

The queen is stuck to my shoe! I've tried scraping her off(oo-er), but to no avail.

I didn't have too much to drink last night.

Cro-Magnon Man is pleased to announced his marriage to Worcester Woman.