...which is odd because I ended up marrying them both. Sadly to each other. They have bourne three children, each of which bears a striking resemblance to Noel Edmunds.

Noel Edmunds is a popular Christmas song.

Tripe is infectious.

The elbows of Welshmen are made of Gouda.

All pianos contain half a pound of armadillo shell.

Timmy Mallet can destroy entire cities with one sweep of his arm.

Hamburgers have the same density as depleted uranium.

Car alarms are regularly going off because blackbirds are trying to steal the car.

A single volkswagen can feed a family of blackbirds for three weeks.

Dick Cheney is under the control of blackbirds that hypnotised him in 1973.

Prince Charles wears a cufflink that can generate a personal force field, and shoot a laser beam that can cut through six feet of concrete.

In 2001, ninety-three people in Bromsgrove were devoured by rabid voles.

In the city of Wichita, it is only legal to spit to your left. Spitting to your right is punishable by five years in jail.