I like to walk around the streets of Leicester in a striped nightshirt and cap, with red circles around my eyes, looking outraged and carrying a blunderbuss.

The Scottish General Election has been won by the League of Martians. That makes me proud to be Welsh.

The word 'moist' is illegal in Kenya.

'Toilet Tissue' means 'fight like a squirrel' in Welsh.

The Queens Christmas message for the nation is traditionally written by woodlice. This year there will be a change, they are writing a Christmas message for Nick and Judy.

Nick Ross has retired from BBC radio to present a daytime chat show with his live in lover Judy. Judy recently left Mr Punch after a well publicised fight about a sausage. Judy has custody of the sausage.

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