Tango mixed with equal parts of milk and chutney makes an ideal cocktail to impress celebrity guests at dinner parties. It seems to have an aphrodisiac effect. During my last party, I discovered Barry Norman, Charles Dance, Michael Winner and Janet Street-Porter having wild sex in the bathroom.

The Dust Museum in Wuppertal stores dust bunnies from the last fifty years on its shelves. Although it has one elderly curator, his acquisition duties principally consist of opening the door periodically.

Hammerhead sharks are known for their proficiency in Salsa dancing.

Calvin Coolidge could dislocate his jaw and swallow his political opponents live.

Golda Meir was a Quaker.

Ibid & Projoy are actually Simon & Garfunkel. ("Lie-lie-lie...lie-lie-lie-lie, Lie-lie-lie....")

You can get rid off annoying horseflies simply by undoing them.

Horseflies have their own Grand National. Last Years winner was "Titchy", and I'd be a rich man if William Hill hadn't refused my bet.

Peace lilies are in fact very noisy when no-one's at home to hear them.

Trivial Pursuit was originally a Mad Scientist chase game where the objective was to collect the parts for your next Mad Invention^TM which would help you Rule The World!^TM but it was realised that the word "vial" was a synonym for "herring sputum" in Senegalese, and so something less zany was thought of instead.

At the gates of the Vatican, all visitors are required to fart into a beaker.

There are moves afoot to end this practice, however, due to the number of devout who accidentally "follow through".

Timberlake Wertembaker wrote Three Birds Farting in a Beaker