Tango mixed with equal parts of milk and chutney makes an ideal cocktail to impress celebrity guests at dinner parties. It seems to have an aphrodisiac effect. During my last party, I discovered Barry Norman, Charles Dance, Michael Winner and Janet Street-Porter having wild sex in the bathroom.

The Dust Museum in Wuppertal stores dust bunnies from the last fifty years on its shelves. Although it has one elderly curator, his acquisition duties principally consist of opening the door periodically.

Hammerhead sharks are known for their proficiency in Salsa dancing.

Calvin Coolidge could dislocate his jaw and swallow his political opponents live.

Golda Meir was a Quaker.

Ibid & Projoy are actually Simon & Garfunkel. ("Lie-lie-lie...lie-lie-lie-lie, Lie-lie-lie....")

You can get rid off annoying horseflies simply by undoing them.

Horseflies have their own Grand National. Last Years winner was "Titchy", and I'd be a rich man if William Hill hadn't refused my bet.

Peace lilies are in fact very noisy when no-one's at home to hear them.