arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
arrow_circle_up
My electricity bill is itemised by watt, and is delivered by camel.
My electricity bill is itemised by Watty, and is delivered by taping it to a football and kicking it across the Atlantic.
I don't possess a modem or even a computer. I post my comments here by making bleeping noises down the phone.
When I first knew him, George W. Bush was my P.E. teacher.
Parliament meets twice a week in my lounge, as the Commons chamber has to be fumigated on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Tony Blair is being made to follow GWB into war with Iraq as a punishment from nanny, because he wouldn't take his Castor Oil. So you see, it is all about oil.
The late Joyce Grenfell was the world's most prolific Concord pilot.
She could also whistle all of the National Anthems of the Communist bloc countries backwards through a sieve.
All the National Anthems of the Communist bloc countries are variations of the Birdie Song.
If you sing the Birdie Song backwards, you will conjure the shade of Karl Marx.
Karl Marx' shade is lilac with a hint of rose.
Hypodermic needles can only be grown if the relative humidity is above 80%.
The hole through the centre of a hypodermic needle is created by specially trained bacteria that eat metal.
Bacteria are easily trained using the 'Woodhouse' Technique.
The 'Woodhouse' Technique is illegal in most southern U.S. States and is in fact punishable by death in Texas - like most things.
I recently converted to the 'Woodhouse' Technique. As a testimonial to its effectiveness, I am happy to say that I am now the proud father of twin otters.
Otters are sexually attracted to fish. They only kill them by accident because of their bungled attempts at fellatio.
I keep a pet water otter in my kitchen. I call her "Kettle".
Kettle is the ancient Mesopotamian Goddess of farting. Hence the phrase "Pot calling the kettle black" is an alternative version of "He who smelt it, dealt it". This is all very important should you ever do Anthropology.
I lied about doing a full house across the front page. There are games I do not understand. Instead, I streaked through Mornington Crescent.
Streaking is named after the Danish maiden Helena Strieker the first known exponent of the exhibitionist art form.
arrow_circle_down
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord