Beagles are a cross between bloodhounds and eagles.

I'm not at all pleased that another lie game has sprouted up.

I'm a terrible liar.

God is made of marshmallow. This was proved by Thomas Aquinas (Summa theologia I a 8 i), but proved controversial in Spain in the late sixteenth century, when it was the cause of a rift between Jesuit and Dominican theologians.

In Warwickshire, Kippers are used as a form of currency.

Castigation can make you go blind.

In Rutland, five pound notes are eaten for breakfast, with a little butter.

Iceland is really made of ice.

My middle name is "Stegosaurus"

I find the problem with living inside a semi-detached leg is the noise from the knee bears.

I always drive at the speed limit.

"Breadmaster" is actually my name. I had a terrible time at school.

I had a terrible time yesterday - it was 93 minutes past pi.

The invisible man crashed his invisible car outside my house today. The police came to clear the crowds - "Move along now, there's nothing to see".

Neil Armstrong came round to see me today. He was completely stoned!

I only have room on my table for one dinner plate. The rest of the space is taken up by serried ranks of salt and pepper pots.

Catholics usually stay home to eat on Fridays in Lent.