I just did a dry run with my new washing machine

Caffeine is a gateway drug that invariably leads to crack-cocaine addiction.

Which, in turn, leads to Slough, via the M40.

It's a slippery slope indeed. Strap on the crampons of righteousness and ascend to the pinnacle of Mount Pious (AKA Mt Magnolia)

I found a worrying lump next to my right testicle. Luckily it turned out to be my left testicle.

If I fall over in the forest when there's nobody around to hear it, did I really drink those last four pints?

In the event that my postulations continue to reverberate in such lonely fashion, I shall be forced to set off o'er yonder hillock for the purpose of procuring compounds designed to precipitate a psychological episode of the type not at all advocated by the human resources department.

And I shall make no effort to avoid trampling any hedgehog I should encounter en route.

Unless they know the answer to the question.

Opal Fruits used to be made from real opals until the manufacturers discovered that burst stars, like broken biscuits, are much cheaper.

Burt Reynolds looks like the sort of chap who could win an argument with my wife. I wish I was Burt Reynolds.

I, in fact, love Paddington Station.

Just like snowflakes, no two onions appear the same

-however, onions have a much greater terminal velocity than snowflakes due to their lower surface area to mass ratio

onion bahjis can be used as an alternative to snowballs, anywhere in the northern hemisphere between April and September

-however, for reasons unknown- onion bahjis should never be substituted by snowballs. This practice is prevalent in some parts of Ireland- be warned!

being hit on the face with an high velocity onion bahji is not a very pleasant experience, nor is eating snowballs!

Pelgis has two cats , one called Onion Bahji and the other Snowballs

onion bahjis have just peaked at $0.14 a barrel on the US commodities market- this is due to a siginficant increase in the demand from China, South Korea and South Yorkshire

i have infact eaten both my cats- but it was in self defence

I've posted in here a lot lately.

funny, I haven't. and I love my supervisor at work.

i have just developed a rather embarrassing rash

Scientists working at the University of Tegiucigalpa have just announced the first scotch egg with a rudimentary consciousness. The scotch egg was conscious for less than 4 picoseconds, but in that time it managed to think about doing some ironing.

I enjoy thinking about ironing, and always iron all my clothes.