I have a six hour gap before my next lecture, and I'm certainly not contemplating bunking off.

neither did I go home and watch Trisha while pretending to work on my essay.

It is my birthday today, and i have celebrated by fouling my undergarments.

Powdered wasp, sometimes mixed with Wheato-Flakes and inhaled through an Obong by degenerates, is actually robbed of much of its intoxicating power when drawn through a wood tube of any kind as the tetrahydrowaspinol, the agent which provides the "sting in the tail" so highly prized by the wasp-fiend, is adsorbed readily by hardwood fibres. The resulting expansion of the fibres also renders the oboe in question permanently a good quarter-tone flat; untuneable by orchestra standards. The discerning consumer desiring a less wantonly sacrificial high should use only those woodwind instruments that are not made of wood such as the flute, all members of the saxophone family and the swanee whistle (with the slide removed) to injest their pulverised insect preparations, or to invest in a purpose-built waspbong. These pricey items can even be obtained in "stealth" designs including a very convincing oboe, which unfortunately cannot be played since the reed is cast as part of the mouthpeice and does not vibrate.

The line "That's a novel idea!" about NaNoWriMo is entirely original and will not result in the recipient of said epithet thwapping the proferrer across the bridge of the nose with any handy writing implement (eg laptop) that may be to hand.

Buying and selling a house is an inexpensive way of reducing your stress.

Bool] You do not get any sympathy from me!

I had a dismal time at a Rufus Wainwright concert last week.

Wet sand is a perfectly acceptable substitute for sewing machine oil.

Deep root fillings and tooth extraction are still the best forms of entertainment

I'm having a superb day. *sniff*

Estate agents know what they are doing.

Monochrome is a beautiful colour................unlike slate grey which is kind of drab!!

I have this overwhelming urge to stand on the desk in my cube and shout "My hovercraft is full of eels!" at the top of my voice. Excuse me for a moment.

Ah, that's better.

All submissions made on this page will appear in the 2005 World Almanac Book of Facts.

[Dunx] I am often similarly overcome by such an urge while working in *a certain well-known UK based supermarket chain*. However, I combat this by phoning my supervisor for a price check, and all is well.

why dont they make more intersting stuff about curie marie

When I'm not busy inserting catheters I like to spend my time drinking TEA and wondering how Eskimos grow Cabbages?

widey] With underfloor heating units powered by lunar energy.

...lunar energy being the energy taken from the rage of people who were given really stupid first names by their parents and never had a chance (or maybe the guts; makes no odds) to tell them how cross they were.

OK, that wasn't wholly true. Energy from people given really stupid first names by their parents who never had the guts to tell them how cross they were is actually slightly less useful than that from those who never had a chance; but that's for the nuclear physicists to deal with, not us.

I'm a nuclear physicist really, that's why I know all this.