Healthy teeth and gums may be ensured by chewing a small wad of aluminium foil for ten minutes each day, being sure to work it around the molars. The foil should not be swallowed after use, but saved in a convenient place until it can be sent to Blue Peter to buy "hearing-ear" guide dogs for the deaf.

Herrings, when placed up the nose of a colleague, make excellent adornments for a party.

Fortunately for connoiseurs of Star Wars wishing to investigate Chewbacca's costume discontinuity, there are myriad copies of unretouched prints. George Lucas has an astonishing reverence for the history of his work and under no circumstances would he modify the original films or modify significant character elements.

Military organisations like to choose cute names ("Operation Sealion", "Operation Mincemeat") for their secret plans, but this is a comparatively recent habit, and was only introduced by the British in the first world war, after the catastrophic failure of "Operation Secret Plan to invade Germany via a secret expedition to the Southern Baltic, landing just around Danzig on August 7th, at 5pm or later if tea delayed."

In the early seventies I owned a dog named Bonzo who had surprisingly musical doo-dahs. The rest is history.

I found your "Military Operation Naming" entry to be the most unamusing thing I've seen in ages, Projoy. I won't be showing that one around the office.

Fourteen Pro Plus before a nine hour shift at a leading supermarket is an excellent idea, it makes you efficient, happy and very pleased to see customers.

Similarly, if you are stuck for something to do, I recommend moving. It's pleasant, easy, and helps you make friends easily. Perhaps the best part is wondering, once it's all over, where all those mysterious cuts and wounds came from.

Hamsters prefer Led Zeppelin.

... whereas caged guinea pigs are likely to spontaneously combust if subjected to the first fifteen bars of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit.

It is forbidden by law to remove a carpenters bicycle saddle, unless you intend to replace it with a red onion.

It is forbidden by law to purchase a single red onion. They may only be bought in quantities of two or more.

In Macclesfield you can only buy red onions if you also buy seventeen herrings, and give the correct password.

Not all onions are easily read, fortunately these are available in braille for the seeing impaired.

h4xxORZ r00l ur @$$

Computer viruses were predicted by Nostrodamus according to Erica Cheetham in her book The Nostradamus Codex - A Translation For A New Millenium. Book 4 century 52 is now redacted to read:
The silent press ascendant
The New World talks to Naples
Diminutive maleness abolished for all
A great crashing around the world

and book 7 century 3 has been translated as:
The first will be last
Gill T. Base ascendant o'er all
The world falls at his feet
At this time a buffer underrun exploit shall undoeth I.E. e'en after XP SP2

Norstradamus was patial to wearing high heeled shoes and being called 'Susie' most weekends, and bank holidays. It is with great shame that one of his lesser known publications, penned while in this guise, entitled "It's only a vegetable" failed to even sell one copy.

It is generally accepted that Nostradamus was immune to Bubonic Plague (or as it was known to him, "La Plague Bubonique) but what is not so widely known is that Nostradamus was a martyr to athlete's foot. Indeed, the savant comments on this himself according to Erica Cheetham in her 1978 translation Visions of Apocalypse: The Centuries of Nostradamus. From Book 2, century 37:
Mischance assails the master from all sides
Prudent choice of footware avails naught
Nor medicinal creams soothe
At this time the podiatrists are whipped through the streets

Pelgis' keyboard has come over all queer. It's got wandering rs syndrome.