You'll never see me buying a "Girls Aloud" single. Oh no.

A US NTSC Playstation II can be induced to produce an acceptable UK PAL compatable signal at its RF modulator by striking the case smartly 10-12 times with an ordinary ball peen hammer. Then it is simply a matter of adjusting the line voltage of the power supply from 110 volts to a nominal 240 volts (actually 220 but close enough) by microwaving the unit for 3 minutes on the "Frozen Chicken" setting of your oven. Japanese game cartridges can be made to play in English by soaking them overnight in a bowl of cider vinegar with a pinch of table salt added.

{b]The Sun[/b]... we love it.

Bollocks.

In one province of Vietnam it is said two Bollocks were hitched to a plow and the frightened water buffalo ran away dragging them through the rice paddies.

I jumped from a runaway locomotive and landed here!!! Dear Lord, somebody roll me back onto the tracks, pleeeease.

I have the world's largest collection of cubic centimetres.

I went to a disco in a quarry. It was the pits.

I went to an all you can eat eatery, but when I asked for seconds, the waiter set my watch back thirty.

The finest and most elaborate to prepare dish in the world is Lapin aux Headlights, the cooking of which requires a two-ton truck with a big hook, a small clutch of weasels, a sack of oatmeal, of which just 1% will be used in the final dish, and a variety of exotic postage stamps. It is considered bad form for the chef ever to meet the diner, and if they ever do meet in subsequent years, are by convention obliged to touch bottoms together in the nearest estate agents' before running away to separate continents.

I find the last recipe suggestion utterly, nay, compellingly mouth-watering.