I'm ever so pleased that it looks like we've got the rodent back for another three years. *sigh*

When in Venice you must never be tempted to feed the Gondolas

It is both illegal and impractical to travel the streets by Gondola- though often very tempting!

I have just discovered that my best friend is a Thespian

The last 3 postings were made using recycled electrons- because I care.

The last one, and this one are not.

No matter how hard I search, I cannot find a saddle for my seahorse

Seahorses are really the remnants of an ancient race, which pre-date humanity by over 36 years.

Porpoises and Dolphins both have a great sense of humour and a love of practical jokes. This is evidenced by their invention of the sonic controlled fin.

Chimpanzees are genetically predisposed to Catholicism, while Gorillas epouse Lutheran doctrine. Lemurs tend toward Satanism in its many forms, which explains why they were persecuted throughout the middle ages.

The EU quota for Cumulo-nimbus clouds has been exceeded for this year, as a result Ireland and Portugal will have their cloud cover reduced in November, until the price of tambourines recedes to an acceptible level. France can maintain there current level output due their incopatibility with other global weather systems.

If you slam a Mini-Metro door on a giraffe's genitalia, it's cry can be used to lure albinos from their hammocks.

When participating in presidential debates do not wear a brazier.

E-Mail spam is a thing of the past thanks to pro-active legislation by governments and international cross-discipline cooperation in the IT world.

i am cool

The Neolithic Era - which is popularly belived to have occured way back in times of yore - actually took place in 2000, upon the strength of the popularity of the first 'Matrix' film. A set of Commemorative Lithographs of Keanu Reeves were released and sold on numerous websites for a fortnight. Demand was so high that these items sky-rocketted in value within days, after shrewd collectors bought them upon mass, and for the next 18 months, the entirety of the World's Economy was in flux, and centred around Traders offering these memorabillia on eBay at the price of an average Third World country's debt.

Joss Stone isn't a type of stone at all! It is infact a type of Malaysian hard Wood!!

All lumberjacks look like lovely ladies.

I have observed the enemy among us!!! Mosquitoes. Mosquitoes are specially equipped robotic drones responsible for the alien abduction of countless persons each night. Traveling freely to and from their homeworld, located in a parallel universe, via wormholes in common garden veggies such as pumpkin, cantelope, sweet corn, and cabbage-leaves [to name just a few] mosquitoes are conducting clandestine experiments requiring our stolen DNA. What was that sound......? Oh dear god....they are outside my window as we speak [monitoring my keystrokes]. I am doomed! doomed I tell you! They will come for me tonight. I will die a martyr! viva la revolucion!