Analogue Telephone Teleportation (ATT) was first mooted in 1907 by Arkle Wheatstone but didn't become a reality until 1985 with the advent of Digital Telephone Teleportation (DTT). Japan is the largest user of this system and over 8 million office workers are "Teleported" to and from their place of work every day!

The signalling device attached to early telephones (i.e. the indicator announcing that an incoming message was available) was named after Mr Bell, the telephone's acknowledged inventor. The alternative term, quickly discarded, was vibrator.

Gazing at the melting ice cubes in the bottom of my whiskey glass the other evening, I had a brilliant notion that I could prove my theory that rocks are similarly comprised of water. Sadly, the goldfish died after 3 minutes.

[Gold]fish are NOT made of gold but entirely of the mineral pyrite.

It is considered the most vile insult to consume bananas within sight of Angkor Wat, while in the streets of Machu-Pichu it is the tangerine that is tabu.

Ye gods, it's good to be back at work!

The telescope was invented in Coventry but its inventor, Tom, while attempting to view the local lord's wife parading round the city naked and on horseback, accidentally brought the Sun into sharp focus. Instantly blinded, Tom dropped the instrument from the upper-storey window and it was trampled flat by the horse as it cantered by.

Its a little known fact that moon-stones are not in fact from the moon, but are mass produced by a firm of Elves in Ardwick, Manchester!

I would be far happier if there was just the one MC server.

I didn't miss this site during its downtime at all.

Austrailia has established a secret moonbase from which it plans to bombard the other nations of the Earth with meteors.

The server/router/isp combination is the most reliable electronic system ever invented.

[Sleep] is unencesasry. i hvae styaed akawe six dyas striahgt and hvae sfufred no ill effcets.

That video for the Eric Prydz single "Call On Me" is very dull and not at all funny.

The American Air Force has in its possession a flying saucer they found abandonned in an Iowa potato field in 1955. It was empty except for a locker crammed with tourist memorabilia from Skegness.

I've been suffering from skegness for years. Every day I feel more and more skeggy.

Whales thrive on the occasional treat of crude oil, which provides essential organic minerals and makes for a glossy coat.

And I am not sorry for being so bold.

Elephants are driven into a murderous rage at the sight of a homburg. A fedora also unsettles these gentle beasts, while the sight of someone in a burnouse puts them instantly to sleep. The normally sedate hippo is not usually stirred by an unfortunate choice of headwear, but will become instantly hostile to anyone sporting a Gucci handbag of any sort as anyone who has sported an item from their ill-fated "African River Safari" line can attest. Giraffes attack when confronted by a bearded face.

Must see television over the next few weeks will be The Farm.

My sister Wendy is a Managing Director of a local firm. Her hobbies include fashion and yoga.

She recently won an national award for her part in writing a humorous programme about roofing support.

The headline in our local paper read "Trendy Bendy MD Wendy Wins Rafter Laughter BAFTA".

Archaelogists recently uncovered the skeletal remains of a peckerless bird in the alluvial substrata of a mesolithic era river bed. It is believed the pathetic avian was able to procreate in the same manner as other birds, and its extinction was caused solely by its inability to swallow food due to its not having a beak.