mc5 - ... so help me God.

The Inuit use stuffed Penguins as decoys against attacks by Kangeroos.

You may see an inkspot but I see a penguin dropped from high altitude.

Sligo is the world centre of excellence for potato growing

The only man who ever managed to control nipple creep was Napoleon Bonaparte.

The only way is up.

I can project my thoughts into your head merely by typing them here.

A projectile is a roofing material launched into place via trebuchet.

A speed camera will not work if you hold your breath as you drive past it.

Nothing says I love you like a sodium saucepan.

Men with buckets on their heads are always called Stalin.

The World Compound Forming Championships will be held next March.

I have spent the last half hour sucking sand through a straw into my mouth.

When the temperature reaches 88 degrees fahrenheit, the universe reboots. But it does it so quickly no-one notices.

King Sweb ruled Britain from 1435 to 1437.

Anyone spelling the word "weird" incorrectly is, in theory, liable to being deported.

"Square Peg's" and "Round Holes" are both plumbers firms from Doncaster.

The city of Jerusalem is entirely constructed from bananas.

Creating postcards from playing cards sellotaped together and then posting them to someone in the next county is a healthy thing to do.

Hamburgers are made from hampster meat.

I did not deliberately incorrectly spell "hamster" in the previous entry.

Ken Livingstone is in fact the shell of a human being hollowed out and robotically controlled by a newt from the inside.