A friend of mine recently decisively won an ale-drinking contest. He describes it as a "Whoopin' of Bass consumption".

Posting lies is not nearly as fun as reinstalling Windows XP.

Rolf Harris and Ralph Nader are the same person. You've never seen them together, have you?

Durham cricketers Graham Onions and Philip Mustard are forming a rock band called "The Condiments". Early reviews claim that listening to them is "like wearing a mentholated prophylactic".

Actually, Harris and Nader have only pursued seperate careers since the breakup of their soft roots-rock due Rolf 'n' Ralph in the late 1970s. They never really survived the ill-advised decision to go electric.